Subject: My two cents
Author:
Posted on: 2022-02-14 17:42:12 UTC

SPaG-wise, the piece seems overall fine to me. There's just two things I think are wrong:

  • The paragraphs end on line breaks instead of paragraph breaks. Paragraphs should have an empty line between them, in my experience

-On a related note, lines of dialogue, and sometimes actions that are part of a conversation, also usually have paragraph breaks between them

Now, content-wise, I'm not sure that the deaths of 17000 people, bit characters or not, and the destruction of an entire floating town slash high school would only warrant a transfer to a punishment detail, but I suppose that depends how bad the fics they get sent to are.

Aside from that I liked it. The prose is fine, the characters are fine, and I think they have the start of a nice dynamic going. Aside from the Zuikaku sinking I thought the tone was fine. I also thought having Agents who enjoyed Missions (for now) was a nice twist on the formula.

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