That sounds good to me. (nm)

Beta request! by The Legendary EL MOSCO! on 2022-02-13 16:26:11 UTC Beta request Reply

I'm looking for someone that can tell me if the SpAGhetti is well cooked, if the writing reads correctly and if the PPC is properly portrayed. No specific fandom lore required.

My two cents by hidaney on 2022-02-14 17:42:12 UTC Edited Reply
SPaG-wise, the piece seems overall fine to me. There's just two things I think are wrong:
- The paragraphs end on line breaks instead of paragraph breaks. Paragraphs should have an empty line between them, in my experience
-On a related note, lines of dialogue, and sometimes actions that are part of a conversation, also usually have paragraph breaks between them

Now, content-wise, I'm not sure that the deaths of 17000 people, bit characters or not, and the destruction of an entire floating town slash high school would only warrant a transfer to a punishment detail, but I suppose that depends how bad the fics they get sent to are.

Aside from that I liked it. The prose is fine, the characters are fine, and I think they have the start of a nice dynamic going. Aside from the Zuikaku sinking I thought the tone was fine. I also thought having Agents who enjoyed Missions (for now) was a nice twist on the formula.

Very good points. Correcting! by The Legendary EL MOSCO! on 2022-02-16 23:55:36 UTC Reply

I could swear I put the paragraph breaks. Something must've gone wrong somewhere.

As for the carrier, I can easily have it running aground instead of sinking and all the non-Sues being evacuated instead of going to the Locker. Would minor (but still excessive for the Mission in question) damage to the vessel warrant a punishment detail?

That sounds good to me. (nm) by hidaney on 2022-02-17 21:24:41 UTC Reply