Subject: Thoughts
Author:
Posted on: 2022-03-07 05:45:40 UTC
- I wonder what problem O'Ryan's talking about
- .. acknowledging the rot13 in-universe is very PPC
- Now i want to know what "that fic" is
- The bit about the mermaids probably not being a Sue species is setup for dramatic irony, isn't it?
- Poor notebook...
- Neat point re the glass
- 'Tan her sales' - *snrk*
- Typo: you have a
l'owy'
in that bit - I think I'm missing some context: who'd be giving the agents crap for making fun of a typo?
- Ah, punctuation attacks, an old classic
- At Kitty whispering to O'Ryan that "she wasn't one", I think there's a dangling referrent - I can't tell what 'one' is (or, necessarily, who 'she' is - probably Medic). You might want to take a look at that paragraph for coherency
- Adding the interruption charges was a nice touch
Overall, solid mission that showed off the issues with the fic.
One thing I'd keep an eye on in the future is scenes getting incoherent - there were enough people running around and saying things and such that at times it was rather hard to tell what was going on.
That aside, thanks for writing!