Subject: Thoughts
Author:
Posted on: 2022-03-07 05:45:40 UTC

  • I wonder what problem O'Ryan's talking about
  • .. acknowledging the rot13 in-universe is very PPC
  • Now i want to know what "that fic" is
  • The bit about the mermaids probably not being a Sue species is setup for dramatic irony, isn't it?
  • Poor notebook...
  • Neat point re the glass
  • 'Tan her sales' - *snrk*
  • Typo: you have a l'owy' in that bit
  • I think I'm missing some context: who'd be giving the agents crap for making fun of a typo?
  • Ah, punctuation attacks, an old classic
  • At Kitty whispering to O'Ryan that "she wasn't one", I think there's a dangling referrent - I can't tell what 'one' is (or, necessarily, who 'she' is - probably Medic). You might want to take a look at that paragraph for coherency
  • Adding the interruption charges was a nice touch

Overall, solid mission that showed off the issues with the fic.

One thing I'd keep an eye on in the future is scenes getting incoherent - there were enough people running around and saying things and such that at times it was rather hard to tell what was going on.

That aside, thanks for writing!

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