Okay, I’ve already ranted about this one, but I wanted to create a new post for my Bleepfic nomination. Warning: this is a trollfic, and a horrible one at that. It does everything possible to make you hate it—except swearing and squickiness. It’s exetremely NSFB.

Now that I’ve said that, I’ll list as many reasons as I can think of as to why Jo Bekke at HUgwrts (link is to an MST, as the original was taken down) is the worst Harry Potter fic ever. (TvTropes page here.)

• For starters, the SPaG is unbelievably bad. Sentences like: “Dis iiz mi stury. MI friend edited it 4 me.” make up the entire story. At one point, the author misspells “I”. Seriously. This SPaG is the worst I’ve ever seen. Every other sentence ends in “!1111111” and half the cast shows up only as mini-Aragogs. “Hamlet” is is Hagrid’s Scottish name, and Gollum is a “gremlin” working at Gringotts. There is Dobby/Kreacher slash, and those two are apparently “New Zealanders”.

• Trivialization of

• The Sue, “Jo Bekke” (and endless variations thereof, see SPaG) is Harry Potter’s uncanon younger sister who lives in America. And it makes no sense. Also, the author’s name, Jo Bel, is substituted for the protagonist’s.

• The Sue hates “blaks, gaes, nurtherners, muzlims, azians, murmens,” Catholics, Greek Orthodoxes, and, even though this includes the last three, Christians. Basically, she “h8s” anyone who isn’t a Southerner redneck stereotype. Yeah. She joins “Harree”’s comment? “cull”

• She rips off My Immortal many times. Trevor and Navel switching bodies, a hacker (who hacks the story twice), Saying that “Tera” is dumb, misspelling “mi immortal”, saying “It was.............Dumbledore!111” once, and making all MSTers comment on how the fic is worse than My Immortal.

• Dumbledore is Santa, and at one point

• “Opra” Winfrey is bashed at one point, as are other random celebrities.

• Draco is renamed “Jim Bob”, and “Harmony” is a massive Jo Bekke fangirl who somehow wears the Sue’s merchandise and gets a tattoo of her. Ron is “Donald”, until he is renamed “Darryl”, which is also the author’s boyfriend/editor’s name.

All in all, this fanfic is utterly detestable. It is bleepfic-worthy. I applaud the brave MSTers who tackled this garbage. If someone else wants to claim this fic, do so.