Subject: Funny-ish thing to note.
Author:
Posted on: 2022-06-03 21:39:35 UTC
I took off David Null's first mission to add on the last mission Paye, Matt, and David are ever gonna endure together, or at least endure with Paye as a partner and Matt as a trainee.
-kA
Mission 5: The Shorter the Fic, the Less Description It Gets
Takes place around April 24th, 2022. The agents, this time, tackle another Harry Potter badfic, but this one has virtually no description!
Language warning (because David Null) and Discord bl13.
Hope you enjoy it!
-kA
(Forgot to tag it whoops!)
Oh, I like the approach you took with depicting this mission! An absolute void, with only what's described by the narrative present, gives me minimalist stage play vibes. Rain's appearance and dialogue, and the plural clones popping in and out of existence, add to the spooky, unsettling atmosphere of wrongness, and something lacking. I do love that you have Potter escape basically instantly once the Suefluence has ended. Of COURSE he would, especially if Rain hadn't bothered to take his wand away!
I love that Paye is so unfazed by the huge spider that she just treats it like a pet! I especially like picturing her carrying it around the response center in her arms . . . It makes Matt's reaction funnier, too!
Some typos, I believe:
"'As long as we hide the the shadows and don't make a —-ing fool out of ourselves, we should be fine.'"
An extra "the," which is probably supposed to be "in?"
"David instinctively closed his eyes and heard Paye gagged."
". . . heard Paye gag."
—doctorlit thinks that void just needs a few well-stocked bookshelves to feel like home
I always wait for you, because I know that there are errors I missed. Thanks for pointing them out! They should be fixed now!
Not exactly going for the "minimalist stage play vibes," but, considering that I'm acting in such a play and have acted in such a play before (twice, I think: once was Check, Please! where the only resemblence of setting one had was in the hall in front of the auditorium, and the stage only had two tables, four chairs, and a piano played by a piano person. The other was The Crucible, but that barely (or doesn't!) counts because of the sheer size of the cast.), so I could've given those vibes and, to be honest, I like those vibes from the story.
Pffff. Paye has a thing for spooky stuff, especially since she was only in Dream Girlfriend for like two minutes. A lot of stuff in her home canon are pretty, not really spooky, and the things that are spooky she didn't experience. And she likes experiencing new things. If you recall, Paye likes 1984 because of "how dry and pessimistic it [is]," and she thinks gardian is "kinda cute, I guess?" So of course Paye would love, effectively, a mini giant spider.
The spider joke was actually (and may still) be joked around in the next mission before I decided to give David a new partner. I'm thinking about writing one more mission with this trio, though (and I still have Mission 3 to rewrite lol).
-kA
Compared to what I've glanced from the original fic, the mission's descriptions of it makes up for it.
Also, I can relate to David's frustration with the fic's SPaG.
By the way, there's a few typos I spotted:
"The glitter tapped the ground,the closest" I think there's supposed to be a space after the comma.
"The fic is so unstable, ot can't [...]" I think it's supposed to be "it can't"?
Other than that, it's a good mission!
--Ozzielot
I'll go and fix those typos as soon as I can! But thank you for enjoying it!
-kA
Honestly, poor Matt, having to deal with mini-giant spiders. And being very new (though it's nice to see the new folks trying to do the PPC thing and not entirely having worked out how it goes yet)
Anyway, it was funny. Um, let’s see...that does seem like an unpleasant Sue. Ugh. Anyway, I really liked the gag with Voldermort. Pretty sure I've seen that mini before.
—A few thoughts from Ls.
This is mission 5. Matt's official first mission.
When I get to the fanfic I recommended for bleepfic a while back, that'll be David Null's and Paye's third mission from the parody.
-kA, in a bit of a rush.
I took off David Null's first mission to add on the last mission Paye, Matt, and David are ever gonna endure together, or at least endure with Paye as a partner and Matt as a trainee.
-kA
Not the Nate one I had written (that one I trashed, too much angst that I really couldn't fixed), but another one. Play on Matt's fear for the funny, maybe.
It would give me more time to clean up K's first mission and clear the angst and make it more funny (I'm too attached to the draft because I reintroduce Mr. Socko), and Matt gets more time to shine. Not that he won't have time to shine in missions as a full-fledged agent (partner is probably Natalie), but it's fun writing this trio.
It's fun.
-kA