Subject: re: mission
Author:
Posted on: 2022-06-10 04:52:57 UTC

Oh, I like the approach you took with depicting this mission! An absolute void, with only what's described by the narrative present, gives me minimalist stage play vibes. Rain's appearance and dialogue, and the plural clones popping in and out of existence, add to the spooky, unsettling atmosphere of wrongness, and something lacking. I do love that you have Potter escape basically instantly once the Suefluence has ended. Of COURSE he would, especially if Rain hadn't bothered to take his wand away!

I love that Paye is so unfazed by the huge spider that she just treats it like a pet! I especially like picturing her carrying it around the response center in her arms . . . It makes Matt's reaction funnier, too!

Some typos, I believe:
"'As long as we hide the the shadows and don't make a —-ing fool out of ourselves, we should be fine.'"
An extra "the," which is probably supposed to be "in?"

"David instinctively closed his eyes and heard Paye gagged."
". . . heard Paye gag."

—doctorlit thinks that void just needs a few well-stocked bookshelves to feel like home

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