To be honest, at least one of my agents believes time is a scam.

Subject: To be honest, at least one of my agents believes time is a scam.
Author: Kittyauthor
Posted on: 2022-06-20 14:30:22 UTC

But great article!

I've gotta say, though: I started reading the "Things (former-)Agent Dafydd Believes Are Real" as "Boat Names for the Boat Race" for absolutely no reason whatsoever and was very confused by the "names" "Those trees from Dr. Seuss books." and "I mean, he's pretty sure dinosaurs aren't."

And then I read the title of the article and facepalmed.

Anyways, again, great article! Can't wait to see more from the Multiverse Monitor!

kA, thinking that their boat, Streamlined Against, probably crossed the finish line... at midnight. (If one recalls, there was only one rower on that boat because everyone else was too busy arguing or flirting.)

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PLUG: The REAL Multiverse Monitor, June 2022 edition by Huinesoron on 2022-06-20 13:59:18 UTC Writing Plug Reply

Cripes, it's only been three months since their last issue; any more of this and they might have a publishing schedule! Anyway:

The REAL Multiverse Monitor presents: The All-HQ Boat Race

Agents Starwind and Estelnar have fumbled together a full issue of their raggedy newspaper, complete with all the nonsense you've associated with them since 2006. We've got conspiracy theories; we've got horoscopes; we've got adverts; we've got the triumphant return of both Lust Object Of The Month(ish) and Page Three. Oh, and there might be some informative articles in there somewhere too.

(Given the above, you might be surprised to learn that it's actually SFW; you'll have to click and see.)

I can't open the document by Kі nо Shirayuki on 2022-06-22 01:52:56 UTC Reply

It just returns an error message.

I'm sorry, I don't know why that's happening. by Huinesoron on 2022-06-22 12:25:42 UTC Reply

Can you provide the error message? I might be able to help then, but no promises.

hS

Ah, problem (semi-)fixed by Kі nо Shirayuki on 2022-06-26 18:00:33 UTC Reply

It still can't open in the Docs app, but I managed to open it in the browser.

Very good! by Damian Brighte on 2022-06-22 00:00:56 UTC Reply

I'm not as brushed up on The Classics of the PPC and have basically forgotten how to memorize names (or pay attention to them), so the agent references in the coverage of the boat race were a bit lost on me, but I was still able to infer the relevant character traits and thus get the jokes based on their structure. Speaking of structure, I like how they break that supposed "anonymity" they'd given Dafydd's wife (whom I will not name here to preserve anonymity). It's one of those neat details that you only notice on reread, which speaks to your willingness not to insult your audience's intelligence. Bet they're getting a summons from Legal with Constance Illian-Sims's name on it! Page 4 is typical yellow-journalism fare, again slightly lost on me as I don't know these people but still amusing. It hits especially hard today! Page 5 was also nice, although it's a little too real for my comfort, specifically. Which just makes it better! Looking forward to more shenanigans in the future.

Now that I think about it... by Damian Brighte on 2022-06-22 02:45:01 UTC Reply

...the majority of the agents mentioned here seem to be agents introduced in Ye Olden Days. That's not a bad thing, these are the agents that have the most established continuity and they don't see much action outside of MM, but it would be nice to see a few callbacks to newer continuity, too! Like Kittyauthor and O'Ryan, or Kaguya and Momoka. Of course, I don't know how these are made, so feel free to correct me if this isn't a good idea.

It's made the same way as any other story: by someone sitting down and writing it. by Huinesoron on 2022-06-22 12:25:10 UTC Reply

In this case, 'someone' was me, and I pretty much just wrote my own agents. The only exception is the Boat Race, where (as Lily said) I used named boats from the thread. It didn't fit the piece to have Estelnar know random people's names (other than Althea, who would have introduced herself when they loaded the boat, I think everyone else she namedrops is perfect Monitor 'article' fodder), and "I saw a boat with an old man and a kid arguing, it had a name but I didn't write it down" didn't work for me.

hS

Carlisle would like to inform you that he’s MIDDLE-AGED, not old! by Linstar on 2022-06-25 13:34:49 UTC Reply

But I don’t think I’m writing anything with Mina.

(And I think their boat would be named the Mina, because Mina would like that.)

—Ls
Fair! by Damian Brighte on 2022-06-22 16:45:10 UTC Edited Reply

I think it was explained earlier that the boats have to be named to be included. by Lily Winterwood on 2022-06-22 03:41:15 UTC Edited Reply

kA did mention what happened to their agents, but did not give the name of the boat (but something tells me it would have been a mathematical something for a name!), hence it wasn't in the write-up. That's why only one of Nesh's agent pairs -- Jacques, Jenni, and their family in the Bonny Robin -- got mentioned but the other set -- Derik and Gall -- didn't.

Ki no Shirayuki didn't respond to the prompt, thus Kaguya and Momoka weren't mentioned. It's bad form to cameo other people's agents without getting their permission. (Ask me how I know! ^^;; )

(hS has basically adopted half of the Classic PPC agents at this point, which is why he's able to deploy an entire flotilla of them. :P)

ETA: kA did give the name of their boat........ as a postscript to their comment on this. But again, hS only took the named boats from the original thread.

That was, simply put, hilarious. by Sergio Turbo on 2022-06-21 09:56:31 UTC Reply

And on point with this particular iteration of the Multiverse Monitor for most of its article to be, in fact, gloriously useless.

The covering of the Boat race was a failure, one article is pure conspiracy theory, the one about time is, in fact, just someone beign grumpy for developing a bad hip at too young an age, Page 3 isn't really there, the horoscope took only one sing per system, the advert... isn't really advertising anything.

And that is what we really expect it to be. The owl with a snout was cute, though, and the articly about Dafydd took some actual effort! Though, to be fair, I'm wondering why they're still so obsessed with someone who retired ages ago...
That was fun by Tomash on 2022-06-21 04:13:00 UTC Reply

Time is so much a scam, and I particularly liked the bits about DAS and the boat race
The MM never fails to disappoint... by Iximaz on 2022-06-20 17:58:51 UTC Reply

...and it certainly didn't here. I laughed at the Horoscopes closing bit and sympathised far too much with the passage of time being a scam.

And this is why I shouldn't review while sleepy and just waking up. by Iximaz on 2022-06-20 22:34:45 UTC Reply

I just realised "never fails to disappoint" is NOT what I meant. I liked the story hS, I just can't phrase things properly. X'D

Haaaa no, it's perfect. by Huinesoron on 2022-06-20 23:16:21 UTC Reply

Because I looked at it multiple times and didn't clock what you'd actually written until you said this. It's perfect. XD

hS

That was funny. by Linstar on 2022-06-20 16:36:53 UTC Reply

I liked it...uh, the horoscopes were great.

And I’m sure Mina’s miffed that they didn’t mention her in there. Carlisle probably couldn’t care less.

—Ls

Much like Kitty... by Huinesoron on 2022-06-20 17:30:18 UTC Reply

... and indeed Neshomeh, you didn't name the boat, so it doesn't get a mention. :)

hS

I couldn't decide what to call the other one. ^_^; by Neshomeh on 2022-06-22 03:32:57 UTC Reply

Best I could come up with was the Fellrazer in honor of the member of the family who was unable to participate, but that makes the most sense for a dragon boat, and I'd already gotten it in my head that they had a paddle-boat. Though, granted, the idea of a bog-standard blue paddle-boat named after a Monstrous Nightmare is kind of amusing. Ah well. I guess I... missed the boat on that one.

YYYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

{B )

~Neshomeh
Oh. by Linstar on 2022-06-20 17:43:53 UTC Edited Reply

Now I’m tempted to write Mina lecturing the Monitor’s staff. Very tempted. But I’m not quite sure how to proceed.

—Ls, who thinks that’d be funny, and is curious if hS has any idears.

I guess you can? by Huinesoron on 2022-06-20 19:48:47 UTC Reply

I'm not sure what she's planning to lecture them about, but you can if you want.

hS

My sides hurt from the write-up of the boat race, oh god -- by Lily Winterwood on 2022-06-20 15:18:46 UTC Reply

Remind me the next time you feel inclined to do another one of these and I'll contribute a picture or two to the cause!

~Lily, who has no time to fire up InDesign to do another NMM, though Nita Incog and Anon E. Maus definitely insist they're still around...
To be honest, at least one of my agents believes time is a scam. by Kittyauthor on 2022-06-20 14:30:22 UTC Edited Reply

But great article!

I've gotta say, though: I started reading the "Things (former-)Agent Dafydd Believes Are Real" as "Boat Names for the Boat Race" for absolutely no reason whatsoever and was very confused by the "names" "Those trees from Dr. Seuss books." and "I mean, he's pretty sure dinosaurs aren't."

And then I read the title of the article and facepalmed.

Anyways, again, great article! Can't wait to see more from the Multiverse Monitor!

kA, thinking that their boat, Streamlined Against, probably crossed the finish line... at midnight. (If one recalls, there was only one rower on that boat because everyone else was too busy arguing or flirting.)