Subject: Just a couple.
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Posted on: 2022-09-14 04:25:53 UTC

Summer before third year Harry has a life changing experience, and a close encounter with a dementor ends with him absorbing the horcrux within him. Features Harry with a backbone.

The delivery man (a Dementor in a Royal Mail uniform) tapped a bony finger against his chin. "Are you certain, Mr. Potter?"

Harry blinked. "Yes, I'm certain. It's right here." He pointed at the scar on his forehead. "Granted, I don't actually find out about that for another four books yet, but it's definitely, er. Present already."

"Hmmmm." The mail Dementor stared for a moment. "Only I got this package here, specially marked, 'Horcrux - do not overheat', and it's addressed to Mr. Harry Potter, Number 4 Privet Drive."

"Well, I really don't know what to tell you," said Harry, shrugging. "I've already got one, and I think one is enough for anyone . . ."

"Can't argue that one," said the Dementor. "Well, I'll mark that one return to sender; if you could just sign for the other one." He returned the Horcrux package to his satchel and retrieved another, long and thin.

Harry ogled the shape. "Is that a new broom!?"

"Not at all. See the label, here: 'backbone - do not bend'."

A silence hung between them.

Finally, Harry said, "A backbone."

"Yes."

"Like the bones."

"All right."

"From someone's back."

"Right Mr. Potter, a backbone."

Harry slowly inhaled, and exhaled quickly. "Whose backbone?"

"Well, yours, Mr. Potter! That's why I'm delivering it you! It has your name right on the package, of course."

"I." Harry closed his eyes and paused for a moment. Then he opened his eyes again. "I have already got one of those, as well."

"No!"

"Yes."

"Well, this one's addressed to you."

"I don't care. Please just return it."

The Dementor waited a moment. "Are you—"

"I am certain."

"Well, all right then, Mr. Potter. I am sorry about the confusion, then. You have a nice day, all right?"

"Thanks, you too, Nigel."

As the dementor postman floated away into the night sky, Harry pondered to himself: "Didn't we use owls for this?"


Reicheru Ketsuekineko-oni is a 17 year old caat-demon girl who is torturched by the memory of her father. She works for the Yakuza with her dog-cat-demon friend Inuyasha. She loves denmark but her love is put into peril. Will she save her relationship and destory her father? FIND OUT!

Reicheru appears on stage, decked out in red and white, and bearing a standard topped with the Denmark coat of arms. She grinned at the audience. "So, Denmark. Danish Viking activity dates back to the 8th century and . . ."

Watching from behind the curtains, Bill turned to Ted and asked, "Dude, are we, like, sure, she's from Denmark? She looks Japanese, dude!"

"Dude, that's like totally racist! Like, Japanese chicks can live in Denmark, dude!"

"Dude, you're right! That assumption was a seriously heinous one for me to make, dude!"

And then, of course, they did simultaneous air guitar.

—doctorlit was planning to do a joke with the "Right Mate" summary where the Superman villain Lobo kidnapped Hermione, but he doesn't remember Lobo well enough from the Superman cartoon he used to watch to bother trying. The concept is open for plunder, if anyone is interested.

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