Fair winds on your mental health journey. I hope you get good help and arrive in a better place. (nm)

My letter to this community by Kittyauthor on 2022-09-30 16:49:37 UTC Serious business Reply

Hello.

If you don't know me, I'm Kittyauthor, a recently-elected PG who's been around here in this community since December of 2019 (December 1st or 2nd, depending on whether you listen to Discord or the Board). I haven't been super active lately here because of my job, but I have been active in the Discord.

And I want to say: I'm sorry. Both for what I have done and what has happened today. I left the Discord in panic because I've hurt someone here by venting in the Discord, which is back-talking in that person's case, and I might have beem what drove away another member a while back.

I feel incredibly guilty for this, so I need to write it out. Then, when everything I need to do is done, I'm leaving for a bit.

I need time. I need therapy.

I vented about Sierpinski instead of talking to him in #generic-salt. I complained about the crits being harsh instead of looking at myself. I am too senstive to crits. I complained in error. I weighed in on the denial of Permission based on this. I shouldn't have. I should've stayed out.

I haven't seen Sier. I hope he's okay.

And then with Linstar. I noted that I needed to finish a co-write with him in #writing, but I wrote it badly, making it seemed like I felt forced. I did not. I wrote it wrong. I weighed in in #generic-salt about Linstar, said his comments about the co-write updates felt passive-aggressive. It was the emailing that felt that way, and that's on me. I don't check email that often anymore. It is my error, my feelings.

I need to stop. I need to stop venting in Discord. So I left, after venting (stupidly) and worrying everyone. I hurt people when I vented.

So, I left.

These are my mistakes. I'm seriously sorry. I feel like I cannot fix them, but it's best to get them off my chest.

After a bit, I will leave for a little while. I need to go outside more often, enjoy the air, enjoy people physically around me, get therapy. I need to live.

I'm so sorry for harm that I caused.

(This isn't meant to be a guilt trip. I'm so sorry if it comes off that way.)

-Kittyauthor

Kitty, you're good folks. : ) by doctorlit on 2022-10-02 18:56:44 UTC Reply

I hope we'll see you (and your characters!) again.

—doctorlit, wishing all the best
Clarification: No one has made me leave. by Kittyauthor on 2022-10-01 22:50:25 UTC Reply

The primary motivation is my worsening mental health, followed by my guilt that I might have hurt members of this community. No one has made me leave, I promise. It was a decision I made myself.

-kA
Fair winds on your mental health journey. I hope you get good help and arrive in a better place. (nm) by Neshomeh on 2022-09-30 20:15:08 UTC Reply
I’m sorry you’re leaving. by Linstar on 2022-09-30 17:05:18 UTC Edited Reply

I’ve really enjoyed interacting with you. I hope you can come back with better mental health.

You have not hurt me. I am fine. I like it when people are direct, because I understand that. If you had directly told me how you felt, it would’ve resolved this easier. But I am completely fine. Don’t leave over me. If you want to vent to me, you can do it over email.

I don’t think Sierpinski is mad at you. When I last emailed him, he seemed fine, and like he was just bored with PPC-ing for a while. If you want, I can email your message to him.

Very sorry to see you leave, and 100% Not Angry,

—Ls

I'm not leaving because of you specifically, I promise. by Kittyauthor on 2022-09-30 18:20:25 UTC Reply

Apologies for it coming off as such.

It's mostly mental health, combined with guilt over hurting someone (which I'm glad I didn't in either case, it seems) and... well, I think it'd be best to take a break from the PPC.

-kA

Well, I hope that you can return soon, in a better mental state. (nm) by Linstar on 2022-09-30 22:40:03 UTC Reply