Subject: Clarification: No one has made me leave.
Author:
Posted on: 2022-10-01 22:50:25 UTC
The primary motivation is my worsening mental health, followed by my guilt that I might have hurt members of this community. No one has made me leave, I promise. It was a decision I made myself.
-kA
Hello.
If you don't know me, I'm Kittyauthor, a recently-elected PG who's been around here in this community since December of 2019 (December 1st or 2nd, depending on whether you listen to Discord or the Board). I haven't been super active lately here because of my job, but I have been active in the Discord.
And I want to say: I'm sorry. Both for what I have done and what has happened today. I left the Discord in panic because I've hurt someone here by venting in the Discord, which is back-talking in that person's case, and I might have beem what drove away another member a while back.
I feel incredibly guilty for this, so I need to write it out. Then, when everything I need to do is done, I'm leaving for a bit.
I need time. I need therapy.
I vented about Sierpinski instead of talking to him in #generic-salt. I complained about the crits being harsh instead of looking at myself. I am too senstive to crits. I complained in error. I weighed in on the denial of Permission based on this. I shouldn't have. I should've stayed out.
I haven't seen Sier. I hope he's okay.
And then with Linstar. I noted that I needed to finish a co-write with him in #writing, but I wrote it badly, making it seemed like I felt forced. I did not. I wrote it wrong. I weighed in in #generic-salt about Linstar, said his comments about the co-write updates felt passive-aggressive. It was the emailing that felt that way, and that's on me. I don't check email that often anymore. It is my error, my feelings.
I need to stop. I need to stop venting in Discord. So I left, after venting (stupidly) and worrying everyone. I hurt people when I vented.
So, I left.
These are my mistakes. I'm seriously sorry. I feel like I cannot fix them, but it's best to get them off my chest.
After a bit, I will leave for a little while. I need to go outside more often, enjoy the air, enjoy people physically around me, get therapy. I need to live.
I'm so sorry for harm that I caused.
(This isn't meant to be a guilt trip. I'm so sorry if it comes off that way.)
-Kittyauthor
I hope we'll see you (and your characters!) again.
—doctorlit, wishing all the best
The primary motivation is my worsening mental health, followed by my guilt that I might have hurt members of this community. No one has made me leave, I promise. It was a decision I made myself.
-kA
I’ve really enjoyed interacting with you. I hope you can come back with better mental health.
You have not hurt me. I am fine. I like it when people are direct, because I understand that. If you had directly told me how you felt, it would’ve resolved this easier. But I am completely fine. Don’t leave over me. If you want to vent to me, you can do it over email.
I don’t think Sierpinski is mad at you. When I last emailed him, he seemed fine, and like he was just bored with PPC-ing for a while. If you want, I can email your message to him.
Very sorry to see you leave, and 100% Not Angry,
—Ls
Apologies for it coming off as such.
It's mostly mental health, combined with guilt over hurting someone (which I'm glad I didn't in either case, it seems) and... well, I think it'd be best to take a break from the PPC.
-kA