Thanks for the feedback!

New DIA piece! by OrangeFox on 2023-04-08 15:21:42 UTC Writing Reply

After almost two years in purgatory, We Do a Little Trolling is ready for release! It's not a mission, and it's more or less my first time trying to write something like this, but I hope you like it nonetheless!

re: PewPewPewPewPew by doctorlit on 2023-04-10 21:57:18 UTC Reply

I love Ocotillo! The idea of a big, strong dragon being stuck with brain weasels, and having to squeeze herself into HQ, both literally and figuratively, is very amusing. I especially loved the conversation between her and Charlie; they’re both so meek, and so unfamiliar with human customs, it was adorably awkward to read.

Dang, you did an excellent job of converting that gif into a description. Y’gatha’s general attitude and movement, and the way she kept shrugging off a lot of the injuries, were also great, and really communicated the cosmic-horror nature of the thing. The fighting between her and Ocotillo was great, too. The fact that this little humanoid can fight on even terms with a massive dragon again gets across how otherworldly and physics-bending a Suvian can be, as does the massive dragon initially needing to run away and look for help. The power of both parties’ attacks comes across right in the words; despite being crammed into HQ hallways, every impact felt, well, impactful!

—doctorlit obliterates your entire fun story with his comment of many keyboard strokes

re: re: PewPewPewPewPew by OrangeFox on 2023-04-11 15:55:46 UTC Reply

I’m glad the gif-to-paper transition Y’gatha got worked out! I was honestly a bit worried that the descriptions could get a bit florid at times, so it’s nice to know it was alright.

And I’m really happy the fight scene’s gotten good reception - it’s my first time seriously trying to write one longer than a single paragraph, and I wasn’t sure if I was managing to balance the atmosphere the fight brought with the general tone of the PPC. But it seems it’s all worked out okay, so… that’s a good sign, I think. Thanks for reading!

That was fun! by Huinesoron on 2023-04-09 21:27:33 UTC Reply

As someone who knows nothing about any of the canons involved, you did a good job of providing what information I needed. I guess to Matterhorn the fight between a flashy fairy thing and a giant stompy dragon looked one-sided enough that he didn't feel a need to get involved.

It's nice to see the DIA doing their job (though in this case it means the Weeds /didn't/ do theirs, or else the troll wouldn't have gotten inside). Also interesting to see another feline person around; Bast and Milask both show up in the Multiverse Monitor just above, it's all very catlike. If you count the cat-shaped cats as well as the humanoid ones, we have... a lot of cats in HQ. ^_^

We also should (but don't) have a support group for "your corridors are too small" agents. There's a giraffe-sized pterosaur over in DAS, not to mention a steam engine who's stuck on a single loop of track. I'm sure we have many others too.

hS

Ay, thanks! by OrangeFox on 2023-04-10 04:03:23 UTC Reply

When I wrote this little thing, I was thinking there shouldn’t be too much canon knowledge necessary to understand the general plot - it’s nice to see it turned out alright. Accessibility is always nice.

In all honesty? I wasn’t 100% how accurate I was being to DIA protocol when I wrote this, so I’m glad that the rookie shenanigans in this piece fell under ‘doing their job.’ And yeah, Matterhorn didn’t feel a need to get involved in the fight - though as he implied at the end, he stayed out more because he wanted to bet than because he actually trusted Ocotillo’s combat ability (he’s… probably not staying in the DIA for very long, if I continue writing these off-mission things. :P)

And yeah, there do seem to be a good amount of cats hanging around HQ. I never really thought about that when I first wrote Charlie, like… three years ago? Wow, it’s been a while. But yeah, cats. Not that I'm complaining, though! (However, I’m quickly learning how awkward it can be trying to write two cat-people in one mission - especially when they’re both very different forms of 'cat.')

Also, there’s a train agent hanging around HQ?? That sounds wild. About right for the PPC, though.
*runs into the HQ cat social, pushing a cart of food* by Aulhar Tauran (Tomash, mobile) on 2023-04-10 03:11:03 UTC Reply

"Sorry I'm late - took a while to wrangle all this stuff out of the multiverse."

looks around to see if anyone actually showed up on time

Prrt? A greeting to you. by Mmrrowl on 2023-04-10 08:47:23 UTC Reply

Please tell me the [tail flick] mini isn't coming too.

((Mmrrowl is an actual black cat. He hung out with a god that one time.))

Aulhar peered down at Mmrrowl and shrugged. by Tomash on 2023-04-11 14:44:05 UTC Reply

“No idea,” he said. “Are there minis that might be here? Should I have brought bacon?”

Nice! by Thunder on 2023-04-08 20:17:13 UTC Reply

Awesome dragon vs troll fight scene; it was easy to follow and imagine. Seeing Headquarters-based stories are rare, so reading about DIA's Patrol was quite nice; I also found the whole betting thing to be quite funny, probably because of how much it speaks about the attitude of typical PPC agents. I'm definitely looking forward to more of your Patrol stories.

Some minor mistakes I found: - Ocotillo refers to scavengers as "humans" once. - Sandwing should be capitalized as SandWing. - Ocotillo is a SandWing, so she should have black eyes, not green. (Sunny has green eyes, but that's because she's a hybrid; all other SandWings in canon have black eyes.)

Thanks for the feedback! by OrangeFox on 2023-04-08 21:47:09 UTC Reply

It's been a bit since I've read the Wings of Fire series, so my knowledge on it's a bit rusty and I figured I was forgetting some details. Glad you brought them up - they should be all fixed by now.

And it's nice you liked this one overall! To be honest, this was planned as a sort of one-off piece back when I started it in 2021, but now that so much time has passed? I might find a way to write another DIA piece at some point. Who knows?

I quite liked this! by Tomash (on mobile) on 2023-04-08 16:34:00 UTC Reply
You did a really good job of writing the fight scenes and of giving me a good sense of Ocotillo's perspective. The annoying voice in your head is understandable (and relatable). I also quite liked the general gloss of non-humanity you've got going in the narration - it really drives home how Ocotillo is a dragon who isn't remotely human-shaped (or from a remotely modern place). Then again, I particularly like stories with alien points or view.

Overall, you've done a good job with the intro and I'm looking forward to reading more about her DIA exploits.
- Tomash

Glad you liked it! by OrangeFox on 2023-04-08 21:45:33 UTC Reply

This is pretty much my first time writing an actual dedicated fight scene, so I'm happy to hear it turned out alright! And yeah, Ocotillo was probably the character I had the most fun narrating for in the last year or so. It was a challenge at times, but in a good way.