• I will not play bagpipes or other loud musical instruments in the halls at 3 AM, even if I have no other time and place to practice.
  
• If I am assigned a mission to Middle-earth, I will not provoke Feanor or his sons. Their hot-headedness has gotten them into enough messes already.
  
• I will not pester anybody by asking for stories about their home continuum.

It's here. Turns out we've got quite a lot already; keep 'em coming!

Neat! Did we ever get to transcribing this one on the Wiki, by the way? Anyway, here's a couple late-night additions:

• I will not attempt to undermine Suvians via powerscaling

• I will not allow brave/foolhardy Suvians to destroy absolutely horrifying canons that may or may not have damaged the world our World One is a shadow of. (At least not without permission).

• On that note, I will not allow Suvians to destroy a canon simply because some don't personally like it. Yes, that includes Narnia. And Eragon. And even the Eye of Argon, yes.

• I will not challenge shapeshifting agents to see how wild they can go before laws of physics are broken or their bodies collapse.

• ESAS agents will not pull out Sun Crushers any chance they get, even if a regenerating Suvian is slightly more inconvenient than normal.

• I will not say 'this belongs in a museum' as an excuse to get away with theft. It annoys the actual museum-owners around here, too.

• Just because an agent is suspiciously tough is not an excuse to kidnap them and see what it might take to kill them. Seriously, DAS-SWEAR, get John out of there. It's been months, and his partner is barely scraping by.

• I will not awaken Azathoth

I will not sneak into an unpublished canon and take a vacation

-Unless I really really want another pay-cut

-Even if I’m willing to risk the paycut, the answer is still no

-Agent Zara, we do know you’ve been hiding out in your friend’s unpublished continuum because of the cute fluffy characters

I’m not allowed to feed my partner, the Flowers, or canon characters I don’t like to Fred the urple tentacle monster

-He only eats eggs anyway

-And Sues gave him food poisoning last time

I will not send Agent Fáelán a copy of Disney's Sleeping Beauty.

-I will not hang trans pride flags in the Hogwarts Great Hall, no matter how funny it may be.

-I will not hang mistletoe in the Cafeteria doorway.

-I will not send out chain emails containing real curses.

I've been meaning to resurrect this for a while, thank you!

• I will not attempt to get the Coriander and the Cilantro to meet. It will not go well.

• I will not steal a TARDIS and use it to take over the past version of the PPC. It will not work.

• I will not whack agents with books, claiming that I'm exorcising them. This is a very bad idea.

--Ls