Subject: Re: As some of you may have noticed...
Author:
Posted on: 2012-07-18 12:32:00 UTC
I didn't feel I understood the situation well enough to speak up, but I would like to say now that you will be missed. I'm not going to try and convince you to stay, though I and plenty of others would like you to, because if a place no longer feels safe, you should be able to walk away.
I am leaving the PPC. Probably forever.
I first joined a couple years back, roughly May of 2010. Stuff happened, and I wound up never posting outside my intro thread. Then, in October of 2010, I came back.
It felt good to be in a community that was so welcoming and warm, especially since at the time I was living away from home at a boarding school full time, and had just moved halfway across the province.
After a couple of months, I figured out what felt good about it.
I felt at home. I felt like I could trust the people here.
I am the first to admit that I have problems. I've gone on hiatus many times in the past to deal with whatever was going on with me offline. I'd generally return in a week or so.
This time is different.
I no longer feel at home. I no longer feel safe. I no longer feel wanted.
It's back to how I was when I first came here.
Somehow, the PPC has reached a point where it is too accepting. Where people like Jacer, who offend and hurt people are allowed to stay. In her Permission thread below, I linked to the original thread that started all of this.
Ever since that thread, I have never felt safe when seeing Jacer's name anywhere on the Board. I do not feel safe with somebody who is so firmly against me as a person.
Look, I get it. Second chances are important. But you know what? When somebody hurts somebody else, and hurts them badly, they better damn well earn that second chance.
Jacer did not.
She showed no signs of remorse, or even of acknowledging that she hurt people in that thread. Nor did she when it got brought up again now.
That is not a sign of needing a second chance.
She should never have been allowed to stay. None of the current mess would have happened if somebody had stepped up and said "No. Hurting people is not okay here. Especially not if you show no signs of feeling the slightest remorse for what you did."
And yet she was.
She was allowed to stay on, given a second chance.
Which she used. She was given a third chance, which she used.
She was given a fourth chance.
A year later, and she still shows no sign of caring in the slightest that she wasted her first chance.
This should never have gotten that bad.
Why is it that we immediately told DoctorHello that they were not welcome in their intro thread after what they said? To the point where that thread no longer exists?
What is the difference here?
Why is it, that when I say "No. It is not okay that you hurt people" I get told "NO. YOU MUST RESPECT THE OPINIONS OF THOSE THAT HAVE HURT YOU."?
From people I trusted and respected, no less?
I'm sorry, but I cannot stay in this mess.
I cannot stay in a place that not only allows people to continue hurting others, but yells at the ones who have been hurt.
The PPC is welcoming and friendly to the point where you cannot even think of telling somebody off.
And in the end, it is no longer a safe place.
Goodbye.
ADDENDUM: Letting people like Jacer stay is just as bad as taking part in the bullying.
Please learn something from my leaving, although I honestly doubt that will happen.
I'd like to say it was good knowing you all, but the past few days have kind of ruined that.
So, what exactly did Jacer say? I'm not the best person to evaluate people who get Permission (Tried twice, and failed. Currently working on the, "Sure to fail since Third-Time-Lucky is Bull" attempt). But I digress.
I didn't feel I understood the situation well enough to speak up, but I would like to say now that you will be missed. I'm not going to try and convince you to stay, though I and plenty of others would like you to, because if a place no longer feels safe, you should be able to walk away.
I am sorry to see you leaving, Tray, and I agree with melancholicPoet -- I should've said something.
Tray... I won't say 'please stay', especially since I probably won't stay either. What I will say is that I always thought of you as a friend, and I am incredibly sorry that you're leaving. I'll miss you.
This needs to be expanded.
Tray, you've always been one of the people I liked the most here. I love how every time I got on the IRC you'd glomp me to say hello. I love how you were always so nice. I loved that story you told me about how you and your college friends drove that git who wouldn't stop playing dub step to tears with the power of the nyan cat over a couple of days. I loved that weird conversation we had with Plat about being tied up with duct tape. I love how you were always such a good person.
In short: not only are you someone I'm damn proud to call a friend, you're also someone I'm proud to share my sexual orientation with.
Whatever happens, just know that there's more than a few people here who'll always count you as a friend, OK?
AV
I'm very sorry to see people leaving, but I guess it can't be helped. That permission thread was a mess.
Writing that interlude with you was fun. If you truly leave, I want to say you goodbye.
I do hope we will see again somewhere on the Net, someday.
One last thing, may I "adopt" Grace Leon as Sergio and Corolla's official plane mechanic?
Goodbye to Tray and all the other ones who are leaving, too.
At this point, I haven't decided. It's probable that I will leave, but there's a chance that I won't. But yeah, it was fun working with you, and I hope I'll see you somewhere else as well.
If I do leave, sure, go ahead. She'd probably be better off with you than with me.
Well, I can't comment much because I've been somewhat quiet, but for those of you who are leaving: good luck, be well and may good writing always follow in your wake.
(Here's hoping that last part of my sentence didn't sound urple!)
“In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”
-Martin L. King Jr.
I regret not standing up with you when all of this took place.
Tray, please don't go. I don't know if you're going to respond to this, or even look at it, but if you do then please hear me out.
I can't say that I understand what you're feeling, I've never experienced it. But, you're my friend, and I don't want you to go.
It isn't fair that one nasty person ruined the PPC for you, and I think a lot of us feel the same.
It wasn't okay for you to be told to stop voicing your opinion because it wasn't nice. It wasn't okay for this whole thing to have gotten this far. And it isn't right that this is the result of it.
I wish there was something more I could do, or something that I could say to convince you not to leave.
Please, come back, though. You shouldn't loose something so great because of one person.
I... understand where you're coming from. I can't understand why this is enough to make you leave, but then I am not you so I cannot say what your breaking point is. I simply know you as a very fun person to be around and talk to on the IRC, and I... I hope that, if Jacer leaves and stays left and we as a group can figure out the best way to deal with someone who says the things she does and not tolerate intolerance... I hope the chance of return that that 'probably' allows, I hope that return happens.
For now, I'm glad you're taking steps to keep yourself mentally sane, and safe, and alive, because I'd prefer that, I'd prefer knowing you're OK even if you're somewhere far away from this corner of the internet, to seeing you around here but knowing you're not comfortable and that this place upsets you.
Thank you for taking the time to explain to us why you are leaving.
This whole mess has made me feel just a little bit miserable when I think about this Board. I don't think that's what the PPC is about, guys...