Subject: But Jopalopa chose his planets incorrectly.
Author:
Posted on: 2012-06-20 23:46:00 UTC
Because Jupiter is bigger than Earth, meaning Jopalopa would be hitting himself as well. And since Jopalopa has no access to portal technology or spaceships, being a Boarder not an agent, he has no way to avoid being on the planet Earth.
*SPLASH*
WATER FIGHT!
Conversation seems to have slowed recently, so I thought we need something exciting and fun. Do we want to do this Boarder-style or Agent-style?
*Arms self with water balloons and an industrial strength hose.*
That's right, my absence so far was in no way dictated by my router packing up, and was in fact simply me biding my time while I constructed this water balloon launching ballista (mostly from Lego), and practised my Evil Laugh for this very occasion.
Muahahahahahahahahaa! Taste watery doom, you fools!
*proceeds to launch size XXL water balloons indiscriminately across the Board*
He calls another a fool is the real fool, for The Irish Samurai seems to have wandered into the range of ThatOne and her paint balloons. His evil laugh alerts her to an unpainted Boarder and she quickly aims to fix that. Have some wilver, good Irishman.
I see that I still have much to learn from the Evil Overlord's List, and must try to control my maniacal laughter in the future. Where are you? Are you still hiding in the trees?
*silently relocates to a new... erm... location... and begins systematically bombarding all of the trees*
Cyba Zero is distracted from her attempts to soak ThatOne and TheMadHatteress by a large water balloon hitting her from behind. She turns around, notices the ballista and decides the Irish Samurai is a far better target. She charges in the Samurai's direction and dumps a bucket of water over his head with gusto.
By now Cyba Zero is soaking wet and still partially painted bleen.
SeaTurtle decides to clean up the entire battlefield with his trusty garden hose. Boarders included, that is. He takes aim at the nearest person, Cyba Zero, and soaks her with a steady stream of water.
"I say, bleen is quite a persistent colour. That person's hair is going to be stained for quite a while."
Taking advantage of SeaTurtle's distraction, TheMadHatteress uses the opportunity to spray both Cyba Zero and the Irish Samurai a nice shade of High Pink. The fumes are enough to make both of them woozy.
ThatOne takes advantage of the confused states of Cyba Zero and the Irish Samurai and aims a glose balloon at each of their heads.
SeaTurtle blasts her with a jet of water.
"Put those pain balloons down, you're getting everything dirty."
Not pain balloons.
Because the use of pain balloons is considered fighting dirty.
"Ack!" TheMadHatteress yelled, taking SeaTurtle's water jet straight to the face. She reached town to retrieve another paint balloon only to find the bag painfully empty. "Retreat!" she called to ThatOne, who was feeling SeaTurtle's wrath. With that she took her badly stained top hat off once more and jumping into it. "I'm going to have to make a new one after this." she thought on her way down.
It's fighting colorfully.
...it does put a little colour into the landscape, yes, but I've sworn to clean up this mess with this! *Brandishes hose*
I shall be going now. *Chucks the last urple balloon at SeaTurtle and runs away into the sunset*
...SeaTurtle rinces it in the water jet.
"Of all the possible colours, it had to be urple. I hate urple."
In a sudden flash of stupidity genius, SeaTurtle turns the jet of water on himself to wash the paint. It got the paint away but at the cost of his dryness.
Cyba Zero, confused by the sudden high pink and blose in addition to the bleen, takes a while to gather her wits. When she finally comes to, it is with a cry of:
"I HATE pink! Especially SUVIAN pink!"
She heads after the perpetrators, but they have already retreated out of range. SeaTurtle is closer, and Cyba Zero seems to remember getting hosed at some point. She runs over, dumps a bucket of water over SeaTurtle's head for good measure and says:
"I think they're out of balloons. Shall we give chase?"
… and now extremely multi-coloured, despite SeaTurtle’s best efforts at ‘helping’, the Irish Samurai launches one final balloon at some figures fleeing in the distance, although it seems some paint has got in the ballista’s mechanisms, and it goes wildly off target.
‘Nevermind, I’m sure it’ll hit something. Physics or the Narrative Laws should see to that.’
Having given up on the trusty siege weapon, the Irish Samurai pulls out one of those long, thin, balloons normally used for making balloon-animals, and fills it with water to use as a water-katana (real katanas apparently being on the banned list for water fights since the Fourth Geneva Convention).
Still slightly under the influence of High Pink, he then wanders through the sodden and painted battlefield, muttering to himself about tap-dancing spiders, and looking for someone to duel.
SeaTurtle shoves them back on his nose. Turning to Cyba Zero, he says:
"Let's give chase. But just one thing: no friendly fire, please."
Was all Alex could think as he noted people chucking astral bodies at one another, watching with a sense of unease as he quickly realized that the purple paint balloon would have the effect of a moist petard in comparison to such ballistics. However, shrugging, he would chuck the item at the face of Jopalopa. If he wasn't going to do anything but draw on someone he might as well be artistic about it and attack the most obvious canvas.
*Awards you with another paint balloon.* This one's wilver!
*Takes the paint balloon and irks himself at the sheer sight of its bizarre hue, but nods in appreciation to TO nonetheless as he prepares to throw it. This time opting to be creative, he would turn around and launch it overhead with a flick of the wrist, allowing the disturbing orb of silver and white to fly blindly into the crowd of combatants with an infinity of potential targets*
If you have a balloon in dark black, I would take it... I've always had a fascination for things eldritch in nature.
They're good for night battles because they're so black everything around them is lighter and easier to see.
The only problem is that they're so dark even shadows make them brighter, so you can only throw them in paradoxical darkness.
*shakes heavily-gloved fist attached to thick-coat-clad arm* GIVE US BACK OUR SUN YOU THIEVING NORTHERN PRATS.
*beckons Pieguy into her shelter* I've got a fire and a supply of cream tarts to throw instead, should you wish it. *shivers* It's frickin' freezing, dammit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smOPAbhiiMU
Sorry - first thing I thought of when I saw that header.
A bleen paint filled water balloon to be precise. It's going to land on your head in about three seconds.
Boarders I hope.
*Starts filling water balloons at high speed*
GlUG
Ahem
*Rummages UltraSoaker or whatever-it's-called water gun from basement. I've been waiting for an excuse to use this again.*
Ohh yes! ARM YOURSELVES. NONE SHALL ESCAPE THE WRATH OF MY WATERY CELEBRATION UNSOAKED.
And as pride cometh before the fall, so too does a boast come before the fall of an urple paint filled water balloon.
This event requires extra ammo, good thing I chose a model with a special feature!
*pulls out the original tanks and puts a 2-liter water bottle in each gun*
BANZAI!
*joins the battle guns akimbo*
(For those who are wondering, yes, there are water guns that allow regular water bottles to be used as reservoir.)
I don't think water guns have enough soaking potential.
I'll stay by this wall here and...
*Hefts garden hose, turns on the water*
Use this conveniently placed hose as a water weapon.
Phobos flips a table and hides behind it. He prepares his weapon of choice, a standard issue Super Soaker, before peeking around his cover to find a target.
"ARM YOURSELVES. NONE SHALL ESCAPE THE WRATH OF MY WATERY CELEBRATION UNSOAKED." LunarHuntress forgot rule #1 of aquatic warfare; never draw attention to yourself.
Phobos takes aim and fires in her direction.
SingingTheThunder backs towards a conveniently placed wall then ducks behind it. This has the effect of her not knowing what's going on.
It's dangerous to go alone, take this.
*Hands SingingTheThunder a generic water gun*
Now go on and storm Phobos' position, I can't seem to get him from here.
SingingTheThunder juggles a couple of water balloons from earlier and is able to take the generic water gun.
She nods to SeaTurtle and attempts to approach the upturned table.
Sergio Turbo, hidden behind a bush, opens fire... er, water on SingingTheThunder
"If we keep the crossfire up they won't be able to get to us, SeaTurtle! I wish I had brought a fire engine though..."
As SingingTheTunder is forced back by Sergio Turbo's attack, she throws a water balloon up and it falls behind the upturned table she was trying to get to.
She flattens herself behind a tree, briefly causing herself to become two dimensional.
For the one that she had sought refuge behind housed ThatOne,thrower of paint filled balloons. Right now she had a nice blello one to douse SingingTheThunder with. All she had to do was find a gap in the branches and let it drop.
*SPLAT*
Just like that.
With SingingTheThunder's hair sufficiently dyed, ThatOne retreated to the higher branches of the conveniently placed tree.
SingingTheTHunder's ginger hair reacts badly with the blello and turns a bright urple. She runs out from under the tree only to be blinded by a wilver paint bomb. She slips and falls unconscious.
Unconscious people are not as fun to hit, so ThatOne ceases her assault on SingingTheThunder. She will save the paint bombs for a better target.
ShatteredSanity pops up from behind a bush and sprays the two dimensional SingingTheThunder with a water gun.
SeaTurtle waters the bush where ShatteredSanity is hiding, then resumes spraying anyone who gets within hose range.
Watching from a nearby rooftop, TheMadHatteress cackles to herself. Taking off her iconic top hat, she presses a button concealed beneath the brim. With a click the top of the hat opens to reveal a compartment filled with water balloons. Smiling, she takes aim and unleashes her wrath upon the unsuspecting boarders below.
But she herself is an unsuspecting Boarder, as ThatOne has already hidden herself and her stash of water balloons in a nearby tree. She peeks out from the leaves and selects a large, wilver colored balloon. With a quick toss and a splash TheMadHatteress's top hat has been given a new wilver paint job. She ducks back into the leaves while TheMadHatteress looks wildly around for the person who hit her.
Donning her 2-D glasses, TheMadHatteress quickly spots ThatOne in the two dimensional tree. Seething with fury over her ruined hat, she quickly bombards ThatOne with water balloons. Vengeance never tasted so sweet.
ThatOne ducks to the other side of the now two dimensional tree and waits for the barrage of water balloons to stop. When she is sure TheMadHatteress has moved on to a different target she quickly draws a top hat on an urple balloon and launches it at TheMadHatteress. Perhaps she'll like that color better.
TheMadHatteress is Not Amused. Though her top hat may now be a disgusting combination of wilver and urple, it is still functional. She reaches into the bag-of-holding-esque compartment and extends the propeller. Giving it a good twirl to kick-start it, she leaps into the air, seeks out ThatOne, and empties her entire stock of water balloons on top of her head.
Even though ThatOne is soaking wet she still has her seemingly endless stash of paint-filled balloons. After climbing to the very top of the tree, she takes careful aim at TheMadHatteress's dangling form and throws three in rapid succession. They clip her, staining her arm and leg a bright blello and clogging her propeller with paint. TheMadHatteress crash lands in the middle of the crossfire.
...SeaTurtle picks up his garden hose and turns on the water again. Spotting the horrifying hideous hat TheMadHatress is wearing, he calls out:
"Excuse me, ma'am, but do you want that washed?" SeaTurtle lifts the hose. "Because that can be arranged."
Having been hit simultaneously by ThatOne's paint balloons and SeaTurtle's jet of water, TheMadHatteress tumbles out of the sky and lands in a convenient bush. With her propellers clogged and her ammo depleted, she has no choice but to retreat into her hat like a magician's white rabbit. Hopefully she can find a water gun in the unparalleled mess that lies inside.
TheMadHatteress emerges from her hat holding... a tiny water pistol. It's smaller than her hand and is the type of gun that parents would give their children if they wanted to be certain that nobody would get hurt. Still, she is undaunted and rushes in to join the fray.
Where she is promptly hit by the wilver balloon that Alex sent flying. The Ironic Overpower is having fun with this one.
Hoping that then water will help wash off some of the paint, TheMadHatteress grabs ThatOne by the arm and pulls her directly into SeaTurtle's line of fire.
So after getting hit full force by SeaTurtle's hose, ThatOne gives up trying to shake TheMadHatteress of and just pulls her back up the tree and recruits her. Truce for the sake of attacking others?
TheMadHatteress grudgingly accepts ThatOne's friendship because ThatOne has a seemingly infinite supply of paint filled balloons and all TheMadHatteress has is a measly water pistol. Struck by a moment of pure evil genius, TheMadHatteress fills her pistol up with paint from one of the balloons. Picking up her ruined hat from the ground, she turns and runs back towards the fight.
"So make sure you coat them with it!" ThatOne shouts at TheMadHatteress. She quickly begins looking for a new target.
Sergio Turbo uses his (now multicolor) bush to hide from the bombardment of Suvian-spectrum paint.
"C'mon, guys, I thought it was a waterfight! Don't make me bring out the Canadair!"
A stray paint balloon hits Cyba Zero as she approaches to see what is going on.
"Yurgh! Bleen!" she cries, pulling out her self-refilling bucket. "CHAAAAAARGE!!!!" she bellows as she attempts to storm ThatOne's and TheMadHatteress' position. She splashes them through the branches, but gets an equal amount of her own water falling on her in the process.
At least it washes off some of the bleen.
"Cover me!"
Sergio Turbo starts assaulting Phobo's trench, firing wildly both waterguns. When he reaches throwing range, he dives to the ground and tosses a ballon behind the table.
"If this doesn't work, I'll have to cross the water streams!"
Suddenly Jopalopa shows up! However, he is subtle, an invisible enigma, able to strike at any mome-ah, to heck with subtlety. He redirects an asteroid to cause a megatsunami.
And as ThatOne had already secured herself to the tree, she is not swept away by the incoming tsunami. However some of her balloons come loose and splatter on Jopalopa, who is being a spoilsport by involving super telepathy. He is now coated in a horrible mixture of bled and crimsun.
Jopalopa tries his darndest to ignore his hideous state of being and heads over to where the asteroid landed. He finds it, picks it up, and chucks it into the air, sending it almost - but not quite - into orbit, before it falls back down to earth. Yup. 'Nother tsunami.
Because ThatOne lives in New Jersey and in New Jersey there's no such thing as tsunamis. Or earthquakes, or wildfires, or tornadoes, or hurricanes above category three.
After the failure of the asteroid, Jopalopa decides he's had enough of those things. No, really. This time, he catapults the Moon towards Earth, 'cause the Moon's a whole different animal, right?
It's not very effective. That's because ThatOne used Jopalopa's misspelling of the word strategy as a shield, sending the moon back to its proper place in orbit.
Jopalopa is fed up with ThatOne's "shield" antics. So he grabs the planet Jupiter and throws it very specifically at ThatOne.
Because Jupiter is bigger than Earth, meaning Jopalopa would be hitting himself as well. And since Jopalopa has no access to portal technology or spaceships, being a Boarder not an agent, he has no way to avoid being on the planet Earth.
Throwing planets around? Come on guys.
SeaTurtle takes the opportunity to hose both of them down.
Jopalopa is mad at SeaTurtle for being such a party pooper. So he picks up SeaTurtle and throws him into orbit.
This thread was created with the intention of being fun for everyone. A couple people god-moding can ruin it for the majority. So quit it.
Also, being a jerk to the community is not something we here generally look upon with favor. Please consult the PPC Constitution linked at the top of the page.
But seriously, part of the fun in that was that was that he was geniunely responding. That's fun - seeing how high it can get while feeling like a) an obvious joke, and b) a competitive fight.
But anyway, sorry if I offended anyone.
And she was getting a bit annoyed. As long as you stop it's good.
But it doesn't really matter now, I guess, because I'm bored. And tired. So, uh, bye. Until we meet again:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWovR9DzUT0
Because when Jupiter hits Earth's atmosphere, it shrinks to about the size of a shopping mall and keeps careening directly towards ThatOne.
So he gets a hreen water balloon to the face for being a drama queen.
Jopalopa takes offence to that. At first. But then he takes a look in the mirror, sees himself coated in all sorts of hideous colours, and decides to crank it up a notch and become a drag queen.
After all, if I'm going to be stealthy and at the same time pack a punch, I'm going to need SOMEWHERE to hide the water balloons, eh?
I already KNOW that I'm a jerk. Anybody care to get gnarly?