Subject: Re: Plug! PPC Prologue
Author:
Posted on: 2012-05-22 12:17:00 UTC
Do I detect a hint of Dream Theatre? *sniff sniff* I believe I do. Am I wrong?
Now, I've never heard of the character before but am I to assume that he comes from some sort of historical fantasy or alternate history version of Ancient Greece? Around the time of the Battle of Thermopylae, if I'm not mistaken. Being able to convey that level of information to those who aren't familiar with the work is, in my opinion, what separates the great introductions from the merely good, so congratulations on that. If it were me writing, I might have found a way to work in some more allusions to the setting so I could establish what kind of universe Suicide comes from but that is a matter of personal preference.
I am concerned with the language. I have no issue with swearing, it seems in character for Su, but the swears seem too modern and out of place for a soldier from ancient times. I do not know for sure as I am not a historian, but this is what I feel. Or maybe it was the language implant.
Aside from that I have no other comments. Well done, overall.