Well. . .

Permission Request by Mysterial on 2012-05-02 00:05:00 UTC Reply

Hello! I've been hanging around here for a couple of months now, and would like to write a mission. So, permission request away!

RC #: 1112
Department: Implausible Crossovers
Agent #1
Name: Neo
Species: Satyr
Home Continuum: Percy Jackson and the Olympians
Appearance: Neo is a Satyr, or half goat man, and so looks like an ordinary teenage boy on the top while having goat legs on the bottom. He is 32 years old, but only looks about 17 because Satyrs age slower than humans, much to his annoyance. He has small horns and super curly mousey brown hair. His fur is the same shade.
History: Neo was recruited from a Percy Jackson Mary Sue fic, for the lack of charges against him and for his unwillingness to put up with the Sue’s BS. He was originally put in floaters, but was eventually transferred to the Department of Implausible Crossovers when he realized that he didn’t like either Mary Sues whining constantly or humans having relations in front of him. He was then put in RC 1112 with Sara.
Personality: Neo is usually calm and collected, though he has a high intolerance of stupidity. Being a satyr, he is highly obsessed with all kinds of plants and animals, leading to outright rages when either is disrespected. He has an especially kind heart for CAF’s, and is horrified when they are turned into only mockeries of their former selves. He loves plants even more, and is unsuccessfully trying to grow a garden inside his RC’s storage area.
He is a hopeless romantic, but due to the lack of available wood nymphs in headquarters, he instead ships other people together. This rarely works out well for either him or the people being shipped. On the other hand, he does not want to know anything about anything that goes on in the privacy of one’s RC/bedroom/bathroom/closet/car/armoire. At all. Ever.
Lust Object: Mallorn Trees
Weapon: Panpipes and a Stick
Fandoms: Percy Jackson, Harry Potter, LOTR, Classic Greek Plays, Pixar Movies

Agent #2
Name: Sara Harker
Species: Human
Continuum: World One
Appearance: She is short and muscular, with medium length black hair that is constantly tied into a braid.
History: Sara had a relatively normal childhood growing up in the northeast United States. She spent her last few alternatively playing varsity volleyball and heading up her shcool's anime club.
After high school she joined the army for lack of anything better to do, but after a year was dismissed due to inappropriate conduct (making and selling crossbows out of the military barracks) and disrespecting a superior officer (going on a rather long and detailed rant about her commander’s continuously bad grammar). From there she travelled the U.S, taking very odd jobs here and there before finally finding and settling down in the PPC.
Personality: She likes holding back information about herself and acting like an international woman of mystery, but can’t keep up this front around people who know her for more than an hour. When not pretending to be James Bond, she is a grammar nazi. She has a fairly extensive collection of Punctuation and collects more whenever possible. She is much more violent than her partner,and more prone to fits of rage over OOCness, but won’t attack someone for no reason.
Sara is a hard worker and tries to repair her own equipment when it inevitably breaks, sometimes succeeding, oftentimes not. DoSAT has come to dread her visits because she asks constant questions and has found new and creative ways to mess up CAD’s.
Lust Object: Naruto, Neville Longbottom
Weapons: Crossbow, M-16, Blitzball
Fandoms: Portal, Half Life, James Bond,Final Fantasy, Naruto, Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Doctor Who

Here is a writing sample, my Portal fanfic: Raise Some Hell
And here is the god awful fanfic I would like to spork first: The Magic Demigods

Well, I believe that's it. *crosses fingers*

Permission denied. by JulyFlame on 2012-05-02 00:59:00 UTC Reply

For starters, while you might have been hanging around, you haven't been really taking part that much, from what I've seen looking over the last few pages of the board. We like to know who you are and what you are like and see that you've participated- beyond just saying 'hi' to newbies- before we grant permission.

For two, I have some questions about your agents.

Why is Neo annoyed that his apparent age matches that of a much younger human? Why purpose does that serve? Why would he be annoyed by that? He's not a human, after all.

As for Sara, why did she join the military for "lack of anything better to do"? This doesn't really give me confidence in her. That's the dismissive sort of attitude we see in Sueish characters. You don't join and stay in the military for kicks in giggles.

Additionally, she wouldn't get kicked out after a year due to what she was doing. For one, a lot of military people do craftwork and hobbies while living in the barracks- even selling what they make. For two, she'd not get kicked out for disrespecting a superior officer. Instead, it'd get her in a great deal of trouble, and she'd find life very hard for her while she was still in service. She would receive punishments for it, not get dismissed after a year.

Also, why would she break out from pretending she is a spy person after only an hour? Her behavior and what you've ascribed to her background-wise simply does not add up.

Beyond that, I see a few capitalization and punctuation errors dabbled throughout this request- Floaters would be capitalized, since it is referring to the department, and it would be CAFs, not "CAF's". I would suggest not taking punctuation advice from pesky grocer's in the future.

Alright by Mysterial on 2012-05-02 01:38:00 UTC Reply

Thanks for the advice. I'll try to hang around more, an maybe I can come up with better agents and get permission eventually.
Again, thanks for the crit. I'll do better next time!

While I'm glad you took it well.. by JulyFlame on 2012-05-02 01:58:00 UTC Reply

///Would you mind answering my questions, please?

The primary reason I denied permission was due to the fact that we barely know you, which is something easily fixed. I had not dismissed your agents completely; the reason for those questions was to determine why you went with those particular items.

Well. . . by Mysterial on 2012-05-02 02:26:00 UTC Reply

I suppose I didn't explain my characters well, did I? I didn't want to make my post too long.

Questions answered:
1. Neo is annoyed that he resembles a younger human because he is constantly around humans. Most people aren't familiar with the lifespan of Satyrs and it is annoying to him when others assume he is much younger and less mature than he really are is.
2. 'Lack of anything better to do' here meant that she didn't get into any colleges and felt the need to do something structured after high school. The military seemed like a sensible and noble option.
3. It was more that she was making weapons in the dorms. And also, I thought that being very disrespectful to a high ranking superior was grounds for being kicked out. Sorry, if I got that wrong. I admit, I have done some research into the military but probably not enough. Sorry.
4. It's more like she would like to be seen as a James Bond-ish person, but after only a short time her natural social awkwardness and slight insanity shows through.

I hope this explains a few things, and I now realize that I really should have proofread the request better. I hope this clears up some confusion. I'll definitely hang around the board more.