Subject: Sure. Sample following.
Author:
Posted on: 2012-04-30 20:17:00 UTC
Problem is, she knows most of the common Sue traits and has been trying to get rid of them... she just... they're still Sues. I dunno HOW you make a six-year-old blind girl a Mary Sue, but she did it.
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Le Sample:
She took her knife, sliced a cut in her leg and one on her arm. It would make the act more believable but she winched in pain. Tears slid down her cheeks as she remembered what she desired to fight for. A scream parted her lips. Birds flew up from the tree branches as her voice echoed through the night. The soldier's on their horses stopped. Sabrina flew down the mountain side, well actually chose to roll down the hill. Dirt, grime and leaves stuck in her hair, and became a mass of tangles. The pain in her leg and arm stung but she cried out as she tumbled down. When she had come to a complete stop she laid face up, tears streamed down her face. Her fingertips dug into the sand. The soldier's dismounted and stared down upon her. “Please... it... it took my son...”
Two of the men exchanged glances at each other. The red head bent down and helped her up. She duested the dirt off and continued to sob.
“It?” The red head spoke softly. His bright green hues locked onto hers.
“A... a chupacabra... it took my son. I tried to fight if off but it overwhelmed me, threw me down a mountain side...” Sabrina was a good actress. She showed the men her wounds and sobbed hysterically.
The one that stood next to the red head frowned. “Nasty creatures. They mainly dwell in the desert lands like this one. They also stay off the lantern path and feed off of animals and other small prey. I have rarely heard of one go after a small child unless it was desperately hungry.”
Sabrina gulped. She looked at the red head, a young boy. She took in his ruffled appearance, he was about her height, well groomed and muscle. Rope after rope lined his stomach. She smelt a faint odor of tobacco on the man though. His gaze held her captive. For a minute, Sabrina almost choked but she held her ground steady and continued to let the tears flow.
“What were you doing off the lantern path mi lady?” The older gentleman asked.
“I...my.... my son and I got lost!” She sobbed. “I got lost, please that monster is going to eat my son!” The older gentlemen turned to the younger one and pulled him back a ways as one of the others wrapped cloth around her wounds. She read their lips as they spoke quietly.
“We shouldn't trust her.” The older one told the red head. “She could be a raider, lost in the woods with the lantern path this close? I don't believe it.”
The older gentleman scoffed. “Vortigren, silence your tongue. She's in hysteria can't you tell?” He told him. “Don't you know your manners? We should always aid those in need. The king's mission can wait.”
The man scowled. His voice turned cold, Sabrina could tell by how he mouthed his words. “It could be a bloody trap and you are going to lead us right into it?” He seemed to command. The younger boy sighed.
“Is this my mission or is this not my mission?” He retorted. “I say we go. If we find out she is lying, we will take her to the king, we are heading North East, we have to catch our targets before they catch the bridge any ways.”
“I do not like this plan.” Vortigren hissed, Sabrina waited patiently, and let little gasps escape her lips. She flinched as the soldier stitched the knife cut on her leg and wrapped it gently.
“There you are miss.” He said politely.
“Thank you... please I just want my son back...” She sobbed, the younger man nodded as she gazed back up at the two men. The red head approached her. He was serious. He stood erect, his hands in his pockets as he pulled out his tobacco pipe and lit it. There was a spark of flame and he exhaled a cloud of smoke. One of the soldier's groaned as his smoke trail lingered in the air and took off in a singular direction. Sabrina had never seen anything like it as the boy's eye's narrowed.
“I know witch direction your son has been taken.” The man replied. “We will find him. Come on, you can ride my horse. I will walk.” She nodded. She had been intrigued that his pipe could track any one down. She would make sure her men would strike before they reached Central Leurex . She wouldn't let them know anything but how they would wake up in the morrow with binds and gags.