Subject: Re: It's not me! I'm not with Legal!
Author:
Posted on: 2012-04-19 23:03:00 UTC
Go to the Stories not to touch with a Barge Pole threads of the Spacebattles Creative Writing Forums. That's what has desentisized me.
So, I'm a newbie here, as seen by the fact that I just introduced myself in another post earlier today. And my first steps on the way to advance from newbiedom is to read the Legendary Badfics.
Shouldn't be too hard. I survived the Barge Pole Threads of the Spacebattles Creative Writing Forums and managed to read through both My Immortal (Which is less evil and more 'WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN?) and Cupcakes.
I'll give regular updates on my attempts.
What could possibly go wrong?
Right there with you! *Readies Bleeprin*
'Ere we go!
Bro, who needs Bleeprin when you RUN ON THE POWER OF COURAGE?
Of one either totally numbed or ignorant of the Badfics' horrible powers. Wish you luck...you'll need it. Maybe a convenient tree will fall on your computer or you'll turn temporarily blind.
What are the words? To what?
With the Ironic Overpower around, I tremble.
Oh. Oh dear. Crimson, you do realize that whoever's in charge of the Laws of Narrative Comedy just added your name to the list, right?
You just want to tread very carefully.
Go to the Stories not to touch with a Barge Pole threads of the Spacebattles Creative Writing Forums. That's what has desentisized me.
I think I'll just go...walk my ...poodle now. *flees*
Come back, I still haven't introduced you to my good friend Ninjafish, Chojomeka the Awesome and our resident Eldritch Abomination Harry Leferts.
We'll also like to introduce you to the Quirky Mini Boss Squad of Exposure, Lifelink, Hellfire Man and others.
Oh yeah, and the Team Pet, Crimson Flight.
Good luck, I guess. Hope you have lots of Bleepka on hand afterwards...
I must admit I did consider doing something like this myself, but I care too much for my remaining sanity to risk it at the moment.
Hopefully you won't melt your brain, but if you do, I'm sure the rest of us will visit the sanatorium of your choice as often as possible.
My sanity is too tough to crack. It survived Celebrian. And Cupcakes. And My Immortal. And legolas by laura.
And SB Forums Creative Writing Barge Pole Thread.
Nice to see I'm not the only masochistic newbie around, haha~
I think I got through Cupcakes, C*l*b*i*n, My Immortal, C*l*b*i*n a second and third time, and then realised my bedroom curtains were lavender... *shivers*
Anyway, have a 'I hope you don't get scarred to badly' sheep~
I'm less masochistic and more ... insane. Don't worry man, just because your bedroom curtains were lavender mean nothing. I have no curtains.
I don't need a sheep, I have a teddy bear.
...to be honest, I'm not sure which I am any more, haha~
...Considering I can't look at lavender without wanting to burn down a couple of forests, I'd think the lavender curtains were a bad thing. ^^
...what.
Who cares if you have a teddy, everyone needs sheep, and you will have it! DON'T MAKE THE WELSH GIRL ANGRY!
Lavender isn't that bad. Despite having finished read through Celebrian (Should I censor the name?), I associate Lavender more with Pokemon.
TEDDIES ARE SUPERIOR. SHEEP ARE INFERIOR.
Besides, I'd end up being the recipient of a lot of sheep jokes.
...I'm pretty sure I'm scarred because of C*l*b*i*n though. although I'm sure listening to a 10 minute long version of the Lavender Town original music probably didn't help, really.
Damn creepypasta, I've never handled it well.
...Oh. No. You. Didn't.
*pulls out crossbow* SOMEONE STOP ME BEFORE I KILL THE SHEEP HATING NEWBIE!
I prefer Chicken over Sheep. The meat is tastier.
BETTER GET RUNNING, PUNK! *gets ready to shoot crossbow*
NO ONE TALKS ABOUT SHEEP LIKE THAT AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!
Why are you so upset about shee-
Oh right, you're Welsh.
ANY LAST WORDS?!
Nope. Because I don't plan on dying soon.
U MAD?
*glares, but then stops glaring*
*looks incredibly sad*
W-why don' you like sheepies, though...?
Please examine these words.
- Commonwealth of Nations / British Empire
- Sheep Jokes
...*read Sheep Jokes and goes to get mad, but...*
...British Empire?
...
...
...Independance War.
*cries*
Sorry. What?
N-no, it's just, Hetalia.
I watch Hetalia.
The Independence War episodes were so bloody depressing.
*cries* America, why did you have to leave?
*drinks entirely too much*
*passes out on the table*
*joins you*
WHYYYYYYYY?! *sobs*
...You used to be...so big.....
*sniffle*
...BAWWWW!!! *bursts into tears*
Now ah'm cryin' again'!
*sniffles and hugs sheep*
Don' worry, us Welshies'll stick with ya, England... *sniffs*
Sorry. What is this again?
...do you know Hetalia? Personified countries, act out history?
Well, they did a version of the Independence War, with England and America fighting... and it was really just so, so sad...
*cries*
Right. Hetalia. Should've remembered.
*looks at him* *Sniffles*
There, there. I'm still just a little hop across the pond. You can visit any time you like. Hell, we can steal some decent food from France and have a picnic. Just like old times....right? *smiling through tears*
*blinkblink*
...I miss you, though. Every day.
...I still remember standing shoulder-to-shoulder with you during the French and Indian War. Knowing that you were there for me, supporting me...*cries into England's bright red uniform*
never mind that France helped America to break away for the express purpose of screwing over England.
Shoulder-to-shoulder my foot!
...but that happened later.
Erm... there there... it's okay...
*frowns*
*feels extremely awkward* ...
Ah. I see.
Well I've read Celebrian. It's ... just a story that involves objectification of women IN A FANTASY SETTING written by a person with really weird fetishes. I've seen worse.
Cupcakes, which I read before to see what the fuss was about, is just very descriptive gore. Very descriptive gore. And somewhat creepy. But it wasn't that bad.
My Immortal is just wish fulfilment. Badly written wish fulfilment. It also lacks characterisation.
legolas by laura is more wish fulfilment. I think most of the problems people have with it is the terrible plot, the terrible writing and the fact that 'laura' is ten years old and was tortured and raped by orcs. And that she gets into a relationship with her adopted brother. Other than that, it's just another average Mary Sue fic.
The summary alone will kill you.
Granted, I kinda skimmed. A lot. Probably was for the better.
*and starts painting this swath of the board lavender*
Pure, sheer, wicked evil. I salute you.
You are truly evil. I bow down to this.
This song. Is. Brilliant.
As we keep telling people, reading Legendary Badfics isn't recommended at all. In fact, we discourage it and we don't recognize it as "advancing from newbyedom".
Basically, to stop being a newbye all it takes is to stay in the community for a little while and stopping to consider yourself a newbye.
Don't worry. I survived Cupcakes. And My Immortal. And some other random bad fics.
I know I don't need to read through the Legendary Badfics, but I'm just taking this as a challenge.
I'm going to see how far I can go before I crack.
... for some of them, at least? The Comprehensive History of the PPC has an Appendix on which ones have been killed (at least so far as I could find out), and... well, Clbr__n isn't really worth torturing yourself over.
(legolas by laura certainly is, though)
hS
Darn me and my accidental reverse psychology. Please remember that removing your eyes with sporks is no longer supported. Takes ages to get eye goo from the carpet. Try some of that Bleepolate, though some Bleepto-dismal might help more.
While the Legendary Badfics may not be traditionally badly written, one of the reasons for their notoriety is that the canon gets so warped that people literally cannot understand how this is the canon they love...
I haven't read all of them myself, but I have heard a dramatic reading of Celebrian and it was painful. Not the most painful thing, but definitely WTF material.