Subject: Re: Intelligence Report #2
Author:
Posted on: 2012-04-15 02:48:00 UTC
“[BEEEEEP!]-ing it, sir! You know, with a [BEEEEEEEP!] Oh for [BEEEP!]’s sake, may I have a pen and [BEEEEP!], sir?”
....
Why do I find this funny?
And we're out of beta, we're releasing on time...
Today, Agent De Grasse is sent by mistake into a Portal trollfic where love blossoms between an Uber-Sue and a personality construct.
Witness the madness at: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1dCzfub4Sz2HxyDK1n4xYcpRyZ5BnmWyieWhj2jezlDY/edit
I'd like to thank firemagic, Mysterial, and EF for beta reading this piece.
Quick question: what is the procedure for claiming a fic for an Intel run? My next Intelligence report will most likely be "Rainbow Factory" so do I have to place a hold on the Claimed Badfic page?
“[BEEEEEP!]-ing it, sir! You know, with a [BEEEEEEEP!] Oh for [BEEEP!]’s sake, may I have a pen and [BEEEEP!], sir?”
....
Why do I find this funny?
I'm enjoying seeing someone doing the Intel Reports the Agents rely on. As for the rest of my review, I'll hand that over to someone in need of a hobby (or, as her department mates put it, 'life').
From the personal files of Terri Ryan, Department of Personnel
I honestly have no idea what's going on any more. After that wodge of old reports I was sent, I assumed that was it - but now I'm receiving current Intelligence reports for some reason? Well, at least it's more interesting than Gen's latest origami-report (space-warping powers, yes; paper-folding, not so much).
I find Agent De Grasse's (Gaspard's?) depiction of life in Intel's Action Division endlessly fascinating. I didn't even know they had a cubicle farm, but Gaspard makes it not only a learning experience, but entertaining as well. His colleague Angus takes constructive console abuse to a new level, and my only complaint is that I find myself a little confused over the scale of the whole thing. The only number given is a cubicle address, 'Cubicle 5294, Stupidity Lane', which even by the most conservative estimates gives well over 10,000 Intel Action Agents. I think we would have noticed that - but then again, I suppose consecutive numbering never did catch on here.
I do have to query Gaspard's interpretation of his interaction with the DIA. From what I've seen, DIA operatives may be dismissive, but they never display the overt contempt Gaspard describes. Either a member of their team was having a seriously bad day (which I'm sure the Tiger Lily would never allow), or Gaspard is exaggerating somewhat (and in a less generous frame of mind I might say 'making it up'). Presumably what actually happened was that he told them his RA might be broken, and refused to explain further - or, of course, that earpiece of his (do Intel have those?) was a prank given to him by persons unknown. You never can tell with agents.
Nevertheless, I did reach the end of this report satisfied that my time had not been wasted. Gaspard's slow realisation of exactly what sort of predicament he was in is near-perfect - and I firmly approve of his decision to let certain quotes from the 'fic stand on their own. Those lines don't require narrative commentary, and I'm glad it wasn't offered.
-T. Ryan, Dept. of Personnel, DOGA Archivist
Thank you very much for the concrit! I'll be sure to take these points into consideration for further missions.
On the scale of the DoI: in my mind I imagine only a quarter of Intelligence operatives working at a time in the Action Division, the rest being on sorting duty. The cubicle maze is huge (think Sorting Room size), with up to five agents operating off of a single cubicle.
I didn't think of the interaction with the DIA officer like that. Thanks for pointing it out. I needed an explanation for why Gaspard just couldn't portal out when he realized things were going downhill. Since the home console unit was malfunctioning, the RA would be useless so he would need to rely on outside support, hence the multiverse communications earpiece. "Mr. No" was my answer to why HQ couldn't just get him out immediately. Looking back on the passage with fresh eyes I agree that it does look a little extreme, so I'll be sure to pay attention to things like these in the following reports.
Thank you again for your concrit!
Fun! I had a lot of fun reading this mission. I love how Aperture Labs itself tries to fight off the Sue. It feels like the Original Series missions, where the canon would directly help Jay and Acacia stop the Sue. I also like all the description you give the Labs.
I might have liked to see Gaspard's encounter with the wayward console after he got back to HQ, but perhaps we'll learn of that in a later installment?
Also, in the "Description" section at the end, you have the word "better" doubled in the sentence about Twilight.
Finally, the Wiki does make brief mention of claiming protocol for intelligence reports:
http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/DepartmentofIntelligence/Reports
"All stories should also be found on either the Unclaimed Badfic or Claimed Badfic pages."
Which I'm guessing means the link to the report should be attached under the badfic's entry, regardless of whether the badfic is currently claimed or unclaimed--and maybe on the killed list too? Anyone else have thoughts on this?
I'm glad you enjoyed the story! I'll fix the double "better" right away.
To tell you the truth, I completely forgot to follow up with the troll-console. Thanks for pointing it out: I'll be sure to reveal its fate in the next report...
I read it yesterday. I must agree, "WHEATLEY...IZ...NOT...A...MORON" is the funniest line there.
Another gem:
...
...
...
"the suspens is kilin me!" sarah said. wheatrley agreed.
I'm making a note here, huge success
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction
SeaTurtle Intel
He does what he must, because he can
For the good of all of us
Except the fics that are bad
Now there's no sense sporking every single bad fic
But this one just needs to be beaten with a stick
So the Intel gets done
And Agent De Grasse runs
To help fandoms that are still alive~
~~
In all earnestness, I love this intel mission. You manage to capture the... je ne sais quoi that makes it an UTTER BADFIC. xD
...I didn't know you could filk "Still Alive" like this. Thank you!
Heh. Thanks.
You should hear my brother's "Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn" rendition of "Livin' On A Prayer". It's intense.
I must hear this. I must! It must be heard! The precious music! Precious! My precious!
*Calms down*
Like the music, love the game. I gotta hear this.
Actually, it's the End of the World As We Know It that was the cool one. Livin' on a Prayer was kind of lamesauce.
Still wanna hear?
That's even better.
*had to reconstruct this from memory- some bits I made up on the spot to fill holes*
That's great it starts with a thief raid
Bandits, archers, fire mage
Zelgius is not afraid
Ike is a hurricane listen to yourself churn
World sets its own needs
Goddess serves her own needs
Speed it up a notch, blink [Don't remember a chunk]
Laguz start a-shiftin' with fear fight flash bright.
Uh-oh there we go killin' Leonardo
Black Knight is on fire protecting silver maiden, a government for hire and a combat site.
Ed and Sothe and Laura in a hurry with the furries breathing down their necks.
[... We didn't remember there were, like, two more verses in here.]
Save yourself, serve yourself. World serves its own needs, listen to your heart beat fightin' with the archers and the myrmidons and knights - knight.
You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty psyched.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and Ike feels fine.
I... I don't know what to say. No wait. EPIC. I love this.
Well, it ain't Keats- or even Cobain. But I thank you for the nice words and nicenesses.
I had a weird thought about the phrase "you're welcome". Is it not just "you are welcome", stating the obvious? Huh.
Aside from the Super Smash Brothers series, I've never played FE. Is it a good series?
And now we have another Intelligence report from Gaspard. And this time, it takes us to a Portal fic.
It seems you've got a gift for writing intelligence reports, because they're funny. This time, I think I had a much better sense of how the fic works, and how Gaspard really didn't want to be there. So I think those are two really great things that have improved over the course of the last mission. Also, the part with what happened before Gaspard got mis-portalled over to the Portal continuum was quite funny.
So overall, it was an enjoyable read. Keep up the great work!
That is one glittery freaking fic. I like the changes that you made to the story, and in the end it came together very well. Honestly, I weep for the portal fandom, when there are fics like this still alive.