Concrit

New interlude: Saline and Priyala by Ellipsis Flood on 2012-03-10 20:31:00 UTC Reply

Click.

Also introducing Greg and Julien. They'll get an interlude on their own soon.

Thanks go to the betas and everyone who couldn't and was pelted anyways.

Concrit by ShatteredSanity on 2012-03-12 16:11:00 UTC Reply

It's good, but it feels a bit off somehow. I think it's that it's a bit hollow.
The emotions feel underplayed. If I found a snake in my bed, I would shriek, but it's brushed off very quickly. I know that some people react to different situations, but it doesn't seem realistic.
Also, I don't understand Saline. The whole thing about her being tough, but really caring about her partner feels like it came out of no where. It could just be me missing some crucial bits like I have been lately, and if it is, please tell me.
Other than that though, good work!
Re: Interlude by doctorlit on 2012-03-12 15:16:00 UTC Reply

Yay! We've got a card shop now! Now I have somewhere to send [unnamed future agent] for his Magic cards!

I'm curious about a couple of things. What misspelling caused Priyala's anemia? Apologies if it was already mentioned in another piece and I've forgotten.

Also, what blueprint is Saline looking at in the end? Is it for Medical, or some building in a particular canon? Why is she studying it?

This thing needs expanding. by Ellipsis Flood on 2012-03-12 16:42:00 UTC Reply

In general. About the things San said and all that stuff and it will probably return later on. I've been writing on it.

About the anemia: That's from her fic of origin, which was PPCed by Guvnor. Sleeping Sue and the Eight Minis or something like that. It was supposed to be amnesia.

About the blueprint: Do you really want to know? Nah, it's probably something technical. Maybe a death ray. I'll expand on that too. For Sal, it's most likely the better alternative to reading a crappy magazine.

So, look out for Interlude++.