Subject: Thanks for the feedback!
Author:
Posted on: 2012-02-13 13:45:00 UTC
Well, in the show, it's taken more in the spirit of fun, y'know? There's an element of over-the-top hilarity to Discord that the Joker subverts, so...
Yeah, the stupidity burned me too.
Spitrire is yours.
In which Florestan and Eusabius deal with a really dumb My Little Pony crossover that borders on being a troll fic.
https://docs.google.com/document/pub?id=1zG1aSqXb3hsU23Erf6VVyy8iK8J0JW-OBDneCw1_ekE
Seriously. I have no idea how the spelling got that bad.
So, this mission has no loot. What it DOES have, however, is a whopping TWENTY-THREE MINIS. All of them are up for adoption, so here we are:
Mini-Discords:
Rainbowdash
Raimbowdash
raibowdash
flutershy
rainbondash
rainbowdahsh
wonderbolgt
eqestria
equestrian
rainbwos dash
rainbowdsash
spitrire
eqestia
ranbowdash
raunbiwdash
twilitesparkle
prinsess celetia
twilit esparkel
Mini-goombas:
Mushroom Kinkdom
Musroom Kingdom
musgroom kingdom
bower
mareo
taodsworth
Take as many as you want, trust me.
First off, a grammar thing.
“The last group of minis who tried to have fun with him was threatened.”
The subject is odd here. I think changing who into the singular that fixes this issue.
I guess that's my first good point: that was the only SPaG issue I personally saw, so good job on that.
I also really liked the army of mini-Discords, well, acting like Discord. Playing keep away with the RA was funny, as well as mildly tormenting the agents.
There were some issues, though. First off, the beginning part, before the minis steal the RA, reads like an MST. I don't really have a sense of the agents being there. The same thing occurs again after the brief fun with the mini-discords. Tieing into this, I forgot that the agents were disguised as ponies until the end when it's brought up again. I think it was mentioned twice during the whole mission. (At one point, a hoof is mentioned.) This seems odd; shifting into something with a non-human anatomy seems like it would be a bigger deal. So maybe more should have been made of that. As far as length goes, good job! This was short enough that I could easily read it, but long enough that I got a good sense off the fic. So yeah, it was a pretty good mission overall, just some things to keep in mind.
(I also disagree with your assessment of whether or not this is trollfic, but that really isn't a big deal.)
1) Yeah, I wasn't really able to make things interesting for the agents until the minis came in and wreaked havoc, especially in the first chapter of the fic. That was kind of where things were 'blah', but I had to set up that I didn't think that Rainbow Dash was doing stuff that was so far out of canon that she couldn't see her canon self with her own two eyes. As for the third chapter, I felt I had to let the 'WTF' quality of the ending speak for itself.
2) Yeah, the ponies issue could've been described better. Here's the thing about the agents getting used to pony anatomy, though: I already had them do that during this RC's Mission 5, which was also a My Little Pony crossover. There I had them do more with their pony forms, though that was also a function of the fact that they were actively dealing with a word cyclone.
Thanks for the feedback!
(I don't think it's trollfic, because really, some things that are done here I can see happening in canon as far as Rainbow Dash practicing new tricks. As for trollfics... I've got a fic I'm convinced is a trollfic coming up as my next Floaters mission, so...)
A absolutely terrible mission, told in a really entertaining way. I did a mission once with eight minis in and thought that was bad, but 23 is just taking the biscuit. Surely it HAS to be a Troll fic. Either that or written by someone who dropped out of school at Kindergarten level.
Nonetheless, as I said, entertainingly told and looking forward to seeing Florestan and Eusabius deal with something a little tamer next time. If only for their own sanity.
I wasn't sure if the fic was terrible, or the quality of the mission was terrible. Either way, I was pretty confused.
Uh, thanks? *is still a bit confused*
I'd like to take in flutershy, once I get Permission.
...as per Joe's post below, ask him first.
Hey, Herr, could I request that you not hand out the mini-Discords in such manner?
The thing is, there's an MLP OFU in progress (literally being written as I type this), and... well, I'm one of the cowriters. When there's an active OFU going on mini adoption is typically processed by the people operating the university, rather than the PPCers sporking the fics.
So, if it's not too much trouble?
(Also look for a thread regarding that juicy tidbit soon)
Yo, Joe.
I asked up above about Mini Discord flutershy, but I hadn't noticed your post. Congrats on the OFU. Need a crazy student? I have a persona I could donate. I think he's just insane enough to make it out the other end of an OFU the same guy except writing goodfic instead of bad, so he'd add something interesting. Plug us to the fic, please?
Best of Luck!
Yeah, that's fine. I'm pretty sure they'll need to reign in about 17 mini-Discords , especially considering the chaos eleven of them caused mid-mission...
Yeah, Ima need that tidbit soon.
Tidbit will come momentarily when it's all shined and ready.
As for the mini-Discords, I'm probably not going to say no to any requests, though I reserve the right to keep the really ridiculous ones for Sinister Purposes.
As in, a request page, with Joe editing the list as necessary with "Given to X," and suchlike?
You'll have to pardon my somewhat gear-grinding pace; I had four hours of sleep last night and a dentist's appointment this morning.
I'll get something thrown together soon.
So, I can have flutershy?
Sure, but only the one.
*glomp* Oh, thank you!
And, just because I can...
Someone tell me if that's not allowed.
Good job! I notice you're really trying to cut down on the length, and I'm actually really impressed with how much that improved this mission writing. Keep it up! It's always feels really good to see people working on pacing and getting the hang of their length. It's not easy...
Aside, they do mention death in MLP, albeit very indirectly. Several ponies last episode were seen attending a funeral. But yeah, it's not treated with any amount of attention as a plot device, and making it be a central idea of what happened really is against MLP ideas...
Adopting one of these mini-Discords sounds very tempting at the moment. I may take Raimbowdash if I'm feeling up to it sometime.
he just leared a good trick to do in her spare tire when sh wasent busey with her clouds.
Yeah, trying to cut down on the mission length is gonna get a bit hard for some of my future missions, but here's hoping.
Yeah, but making it a central theme? Too grim-dark for a girl's cartoon. Though, that seems to be a problem with the MLP fandom, given that FiM has Cupcakes and Sweet Apple Massacre for notorious badfic... *shudder*
Feel free to adopt Raimbowdash! :D
Also, Dennis Leary, LOL
As for the fic... dear sweet Celestia is it stupid! Makes me wanna bang my head against something...
(Oh, in the way of minis, can I take Rainbowdash? Though out of curiosity, what exactly are they capable of?)
Yep, it was stupid indeed. And that wasn't even bringing up all the bad spelling that went down.
Sure. Rainbowdash is now yours.
Well, I don't think Discord counts as a spirit of fun. He's a bit like Pony Joker, taking sadistic glee in breaking minds in the most traumatic way possible.
On the other hand...WOW. Just... just wow. The stupidity, it buuurns.
If it's all the same, I'd like spitrire. Hopefully Hacken Form, Teana Lanstar, and rein like her.
Well, in the show, it's taken more in the spirit of fun, y'know? There's an element of over-the-top hilarity to Discord that the Joker subverts, so...
Yeah, the stupidity burned me too.
Spitrire is yours.
Hm, well, in my impression Discord was kinda terrifying: Yes, he was funny, but the glee he took in breaking and twisting the mane cast makes it kinda hard for me to see him as 'fun.' Yes, he's more kid-friendly than the Joker, but he's still chaotic and sadistic.