Subject: Re: Mission
Author:
Posted on: 2012-01-22 03:44:00 UTC

I liked how you played with the changing fic formats and had them affect Florestan. That was definitely a unique problem to this fic, and it's good that you focused on that. (It might have been fun to have both the agents get sick from it, to underscore how bad the shifting was.)

But speaking of Florestan's reactions, you have him getting angry frequently here, and a lot of the time I don't really understand why. He keeps reacting to the fic quotes we see by calling them stupid, but it's better to show the audience why Florestan finds them stupid, rather than just labeling them as such. This is especially important in a chaotic crossover like this one, where it's pretty much guaranteed your audience won't understand at least one of the continua involved. You did do this well with Viper, explaining how her fic-given backstory completely contradicted her canon one. But something like Tails being an orphan with no family is something not everyone would know.

Also, you've made a mini-Darkside in your charge list: it's Organization XIII, not Organization 13. (Another fun thing you could have touched on: only Nobodies are part of the Organization. Is the replacement!Tails in this fic a Nobody?)

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