http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5747205/1/Somebody-To-Love

I found this one while looking for Data/Geordi fic. And then the first scene ends with the line "Kylie Ramirez was falling in love with Geordi La Forge!" The fic seems to be set post-Nemesis when Data is captain of the Enterprise, however it places Geordi as his first officer, which is uncanonical but should support slash (the TOS quote "at his side as if you've always been there and always will" seems appropriate). I'm especially irritated since the rest of the results for filtering through "romance" and "Data and Geordi" is mediocre slash. Not "Department of Bad Slash" bad, but not good either. I could keep complaining, but I'll stop.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8553399/1/I-am-the-daughter-of-chaos

I can't even read it since the author forgot that the enter key existed. All I'm getting is severe OOC on the part of Anubis. Poor Anubis.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8599234/1/Black-Magic

The first chapter's...okay. The Sue's running through a rough part of New York City and talks about how people go through hard things, and it's decently written, which makes it meaningful enough. It's not great, but not bad.

And then the second chapter happens.

She ends up at Brooklyn House, acts completely disrespectful to Carter, teasing him worse than Sadie does, and she doesn't have the excuse of being his sister who actually cares about him. She calls him Cat. Cat. She also has to explain Hathor and Sekhmet to him. He was there! He defeated Sekhmet with salsa! And the Sue starts mouthing off to Sadie about dying her hair. Then she punches Anubis in the "family jewels". Yes, we're all going to love you when you insult our favorite characters!

Also, she seems to be hosting the female form of Anubis, Anput. She seems to have done her mythological research but not her "actually read the books research" which clearly states that Walt is the first person to follow the Path of Anubis, which I would assume includes the same powers. Also, people don't have to host a god that's the same gender as them.

I'm done complaining about these fics now.

Give me one good reason outside of schoolwork that anyone would write a story in a language they aren't completely fluent in. One reason. Ugh.

Midell Earth must be the largest, most cantankerous mini-Balrog ever to roam the Word Worlds.

Is the elven gene pool really so shallow that every OC in the fandom has to be the exiled daughter of Elrond?

Is the fangirl gene pool really so shallow that every author must mutilate the elven languages beyond recognition?

Okay, you know what? I'm going to stop asking rhetorical questions and go find some Bleeprin...

Middle Earth Training Academy
This Sue is taken to Middle Earth because the characters like her fanfiction and think she's talented enough to attend their special academy. She becomes a "Teleri sea-elf", accidentally hypnotizes Legolas with her hypnotic singing (which all Teleri elves are know for), hooks up with Legolas, etc.

I'd like to say that the author was inspired by OFUM but that would be an insult to Miss Cam.

Legomance #2
This Sue is an "Awaya", a made-up species with human bodies, cat ears, and fox tails, and comes with two Cute Animal Friends. She ages just like an elf and, unsurprisingly, is stronger/faster/more talented than an elf. Elves apparently like to kill the Awaya can't say I blame them. The author also mangles Sindarin, making "milock" the word for friend.

favorite quote: "That is rubies Asoon." Pretty sure the author meant to write "rubbish" but ... rubies it is!

Found a bad one for PMMM. http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9439488/1/Puella-Magi-Kaen-Magica

Shows a lack of understanding of the world of PMMM and how magic works there, various tragic pasts, an abuse of 'BTW', an obvious budding relationship between a Puella Magi and a non-canonical demon and, for some reason, despite the witches and location appearing to be exactly the same, she got the town's name wrong and there's no canon characters around. Not sure if I should whine too much about the rampant grammar and spelling errors, seeing as English may not be her first language (going off her location).

Because I found the page for that guy who did the Star Wars incest fic from before, and oh dear god he did a ton more stuff uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh

Really not sure about this one, besides the fact that capital letters seem to be optional on names and places.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9506809/1/SHADOW-OF-LIGHT

*gasp* I found another one! Boy, it was traumatizing. But when you're being told to read poorly-written One Direction fanfiction once a week, you take it better. The truth is, I didn't have to venture so deep for this, alright, here it is: http://www.quotev.com/story/3548638/Menelwen-of-Rivendell-A-Legolas-Love-Story-also-posted-on-Wattpad-by-me/1

Thank you for all your concern. Well, I'm used to it because I tolerate my fangirl best friend almost everyday. She makes me go on Quotev to read the "like, sooooooo awesome fanfics!!1!!" and well, the only reason why I'm hanging out with her is because she's really nice. Oh yes, Huinesoron, thank you very much for your advice. I actually created some of the threads on accident due to my lack of experience on forums and things like that. I can assure you now that I will not go around creating a lot of new threads. :)

Wow, is quotev really so terrifying? Good luck, then! I hope you retain your, uh... well, not sanity entirely but... ability to function.

If you meet a Sue, it will be hacked. If you meet a grammar mistake, it will be parsed.

From the files of Agent Kyaris, Department of Intelligence:

---

Allow me once again to express my pleasure in the existence of disguise generators. "But Kyaris," you say, "surely you prefer to be in your natural form!" Well, in some ways, yes - but a miniature hydra is hardly a suitable body to be wandering around the Word Worlds in.

For this story, I'm in human form, following a girl named Evelyn. Apparently she's 1800 years old, and living in a 'parralell reality', having been sent there by Galadriel to keep her safe. Why Galadriel would do this for her and not for, you know, anyone else in the history of Middle-earth (sorry, 'Midell Earth'), goes unexplained. My guess is she wanted to get rid of her.

The story is a fairly generic girl-falls-into-Arda tale, with the (again, common) quirk that Evelyn is the child of a canon character, specifically Elrond. As is usual, she's been transformed into a human for her stay on Earth - I'm sorry, I have to ask, why did Galadriel think the Earth of CE 1000 was safer than Third Age Arda? Given that she calls her supposed granddaughter back when the Ring is uncovered, I think my 'get rid of her' theory is looking more and more likely.

I duck out of the way as Evelyn sees a familiar face - Haldir of Lorien. Yes, the Haldir who canonically had never left the Golden Wood. Here he's Evelyn's guard and only visitor. Quirkily, he's transformed into a human for his visit to Earth, although this is barely mentioned.

Haldir explains the backstory to Evelyn, and she demonstrates spooky levels of 'empathic' abilities. They're actually fairly well presented - she reads emotions, not thoughts. Unfortunately, they're in such detail that it pretty much counts as telepathy; she can read 'joy, joy to see me, and joy that I could return home'.

A portal opens all by itself - because Galadriel apparently has portal technology now - and Evelyn and Haldir step through, followed closely by 'Gabriell', Evelyn's friend. As Evelyn points out, 'What kind of an idiot jumps in an unknown portal?'.

We walk to Rivendell, which is now a city or town in a forest - it's funny how the 'riven' part never seems to register, isn't it? As the chapter rolls over, I read ahead to see parenthetically translated Grelvish, Elvish servants, Celtic designs, and a bizarre statement that seemed to imply the author thought Galadriel and Elrond were of the Valar, or rather Valor. That was followed with Designated Mysoginist Boromir, 'she elf', and ultimately an 'Eleven companions' line.

I've seen enough. The main character is a Mary-Sue - she hits all the regular cliches, and she has absolutely no narrative depth. Her reactions to traumatic and joyous events are equally nonexistent, and she's quite happy to remake the entire world to allow her story to exist. I take a portal home, grateful for once to be back in my own body.

---

PPC Intelligence Report

Fic: The mistakes we made

Description: A Mary-Sue daughter of Elrond, having lived a thousand years on Earth, is brought back to Middle-earth in order to join the Fellowship. She drags a random human woman with her, who may turn out to be a secondary Sue.

Plotholes: Galadriel can create portals. Evelyn is special for reasons not very well defined. She also seems to grasp a thousand years of missed history very quickly.

Problem Passages:

1) But most of all I remembered my grandmother, who had me hidden here, to protect and prepare me of a prophercy she herself made. A prophercy that fortold the wakening of a great evil. I was kept safe, but my home, my Rivendell, my family and the entire Midell Earth wasn't. I was safe in this parralell reality, where my gradmother sent me, but I had to return one day , to destroy a great king, destroy or be destroyed.

2) " It has been forseen by both me and your grandmother " my fahter started, " that great things will happen tomorrow, every race has sent their representatives, and after a brief discussion with your grandmother it has been decided that you will represent Rivndell." I noded my head in understanding. This could be expected, I was in fact a lady of Rivendell, and by birthright had, as any of my sibilings, the right to represent my home. I briefly wondered why the Valor would have it that I was the one to represent it, but quickly dismissed the thought. The will of Valor was not to be questioned.

Primary OC: Evelyn (daughter of Elrond)

Type: Mary-Sue. Half-elven, though I don't think she knows that. Absolutely no emotional depth.

Secondary OC: Gabriell (human female)

Offenses Against Canon: The aforementioned portals, Haldir wandering the world, Rivendell is a forest, Boromir is a Designated Mysoginist, most other characters OOC, the Mary-Sue exists as a 'special' daughter of Elrond, two extra members of the Fellowship, vast numbers of mini-Balrogs.

Additional Comments: It should be noted clearly that the author is a non-native English speaker. The generally strange and often incorrect English spelling and grammar should be excused - for the circumstances, it's actually quite good. However, the same doesn't apply to the proliferation of mini-Balrogs, or the use of Grelvish - especially since it is translated in-line, which has never been a good idea. Lack of familiarity with the language doesn't excuse the rather feeble 'look what I can do now!' plot, either...

~|/~ Kyaris, DoI ~|/~

---

From Kyaris, who was doing things in the Department of Intelligence before SeaTurtle made that cool.

Also, while I'm here: Autumn, the front page of the Board holds 25 threads. We try to avoid adding too many new ones when the content can go into an old one instead. This post, for instance, would have worked just fine as a reply to your previous thread (which is immediately below it), or (if there had been one, which there doesn't seem to be) another thread on badfics near the top of the Board. And if you find anything interesting on Quotev, that should probably go as replies to this thread, rather than as a new one, too.

hS

Here, take this -gives lemming repellent and a poncho- and this -gives tiny Samwise the Brave and the phial of Earendil- with you!

Autumn, no!

It's too dangerous to go alone!!!

Quotev is terrifying place.