And concerns. Definitely concerns.
Begin transcribing...now.
Alright. So this 'Jenifer' character says she's sixteen, and that Kirk adopted her (!!!) when she was ten.
16-10=6
Therefore, she was adopted six years ago.
James T. Kirk was born in 2233, and the Battle of Vulcan--which is when this fic starts, more or less--was in 2258.
2258-2233=25
Therefore, Jim Kirk is twenty-five years old in this fic.
Furthermore:
25-6=19
Therefore, Jim was nineteen years old when he adopted Jenifer.
Please explain to me why Jim Kirk would adopt a ten-year-old kid when he was nineteen. Then, please tell me who let him do it (specifically, which court of law). Genius-level repeat offender, remember? He's not responsible! No version of Jim Kirk at nineteen is particularly responsible! No, not even the TOS version! He's not responsible, and you can't have him adopt a ten-year-old kid at nineteen, because he would be proven unfit for guardianship pretty quickly, he still lives with his mom (presumably, and more or less, since she's probably off-planet), and I don't see why he'd suddenly want to take responsibility for a ten-year-old (not that we're given a reason...)! This is insane.
(Why yes, I was able to do those calculations from memory. The only thing I didn't remember was the dates, but when I looked them up, it turned out I had him at the right age. Isn't memory wonderful?)
Also, Spock is ridiculously OOC after only a few lines (I may have yelled 'character rupture' and face-Kindled when I read it. It's probably more along the lines of possession, though...probably). And Uhura would NOT say that the adoption, and I quote, "makes total sense". Not EVER.
And, one thing more (which is actually kind of hilarious, if you can get past the utter stupidity):
HE'S. NOT. A. CAPTAIN. YET. HE. IS. A. CADET!
Jim Kirk, that is. As in, someone calls him 'Captain Kirk' in the scene where he's trying to warn Pike about the Romulan ambush. It's hilarious, it's painful, it's...well, it's wrong. And that's where I'll stop, before I start ranting.
Seriously, fic? Seriously? You expect me to believe that a nineteen-year-old Jim Kirk not only wanted to adopt a ten-year-old but was allowed to? You expect me to believe that Spock is suddenly showing all sorts of emotion and is overly fond of the Sue? You expect me to believe that Jenifer would quote Jim's lines to Uhura exactly, and that she wouldn't find this weird and start backing away? You expect me to believe that they let a sixteen-year-old who, by her own admission, is the complete opposite of her 'dad', which implies that she's nowhere near genius level?? And not only that, but she abandons her post? And goes to something called Junior Starfleet? Seriously?
As I seem to remember being said on Deleterius, FIRST!
~DF
(Wow, I really shouldn't let Agent Dawn at bad Star Trek fanfics. On the other hand, I probably really should. She'll go insane, but it'll probably be worth it, and, well, she's insane anyway, and bleeproducts will fix up the excess insanity. I hope.)