Alright....

Request for Permission by exarion on 2011-12-20 07:59:00 UTC Reply

I think I finally understand what this place is about. Anyway, standard permission request stuff INCOMING!

Agent Profiles:

Yn'hrai is Yithian from the Cthulhu Mythos. The use of his body-swapping and mind-wiping abilities have been forbidden by upstairs shortly after his arrival, in which he body-swapped with some poor agent sitting in his RC. Other agents quickly resolved the situation and recruited Yn'hrai.

Yn'hrai himself is very formal and serious, and spends a very large amount of time researching various canons. He is very orderly, and is very strict with rules, which he also spends large amounts of time researching. Given that Yn'hrai intends to go into the Department of Floaters, Eclectic Subdivision of Advanced Species, he has to know the proper methods and procedures for every type of mission, and the weaknesses of every species. He is referred to as male only to avoid pronoun conflicts with his partner.

Kasaiko is a fairy from the Touhou verse associated with FIRE. She cannot remember how she got into HQ, but she somehow did, and caused a bit of a fright when she starting lighting things on FIRE. She was recruited because it was thought that she would make the perfect DOGA agent. For a reason which does not involve a meeting between her and the Bonsai Mallorn which did not happen, in which she did not attempt to light the Bonsai Mallorn on FIRE, she was instead placed in the Department of Floaters, ESAS.

Though Kasaiko is 36, she looks like a 6 year old girl, and acts like one as well. She is always looking for something fun, and is not really one for any kind of order or reason. Most notably, Kasaiko is an extreme pyro, and considers lighting things on FIRE to be fun, and she does not need any manner of tools to do this. The Flowers have forbidden her from lighting things on FIRE in such a manner, though she seldom pays this any heed. Kasaiko's eyes, hair, and anything she might be wearing looks like it is currently on FIRE, and most of the time, she does as well. This is because she often is on FIRE. She cannot pronounce "Yn'hrai".

Writing Sample: https://docs.google.com/open?id=0ByqMSMpwseDnMjg2NmM0YmEtMzgwZS00YjM0LTg2NWQtMmFhNzFjMzEzYTk3

First fic to spork: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7264130/1/OrientalTransienceofScarletWaning_Moon

Consolation, Sort Of by desdendelle on 2011-12-20 13:28:00 UTC Reply

I'd like to quote what Araeph said when he shot down my Permission request:
"Also: we PGs are not trying to make you miserable, honest. I know I'm a harsh critic, but that doesn't mean I don't want you on the Board, or that you don't have anything to contribute here. The fact that we're going over your work so thoroughly means that it's worth taking the time to consider."
So don't get too down-trodden, exarion. Try and improve yourself; also, you can ask for help in the PPC's IRC channel, most of the people there are very nice and willing to help.
Alright.... by JulyFlame on 2011-12-20 09:42:00 UTC Reply

Okay, to begin with the agents themselves: You have an agent from a terrifyingly overpowered race, which Wikipedia tells me are super intelligent and are learn-all to know-all types. This does not give me great confidence, and goes somewhat crosswise to the general idea of ordinary- or at least not super special- agents. Especially given Lovecraft. If anyone else reads this who is more familiar with Lovecraft's mythos and this particular species, I'd like you to chime in here as to this agent and their viability because I, personally, am not sure of this one working well at all.

Your second agent appears to be all of six years old, sets all the things on fire, and given your character description, does not seem to be controllable in the least.

The age factor makes me- and probably most others- uneasy. The lowest age I've seen for a field agent is twelve or thirteen. Youngest agent I've seen at all was eleven or so, and she was not a field agent at all. This is, of course, going with apparent age/acted age. (Ilraen, for example, doesn't count.) Your badfic linked has sex in it. You're pairing that with the intent of having an apparent six year old as an agent to take part in killing it. The reasons why this is a bad idea and will make many, if not all people here uncomfortable should be clear.

Second point: Setting all the things on fire is her thing? Okay. Is there anything else? Apparently not. 'Sets everything on fire' is not a character trait. Well, pyromania is a character trait, but it doesn't make for a character.

Third point, and possibly the one that needs to be elaborated on the most: She cannot be controlled. This is not a good thing. This is not a 'oh, this is so funny!'. This is the point where one wonders why she is still around. PPC agents might rail against the establishment, or they might dislike the Flowers, or they might hate their partner, but they are able to be check in check under normal situations.

I was reading the Christmas party RP, and I noticed your posts. Kasaiko, you made evident, has no sense of self control and cannot be controlled even under normal circumstances. (You also godmoded to ensure that, and make it clear.)

This character would make a terrible agent because she has no personality traits whatsoever, does not work with the PPC because of the issue with control, and would make people feel distinctly uncomfortable at best, and like utter scummy creeps at worst, and also have the potential for getting people in severe trouble due to the combination of what is in fics and her apparent age.

Now, to move on to the writing sample.

This is bad writing.

Your sentences have no structure at all; let's take this first paragraph you gave us.

Ekaes, a lady of the wind, and small so, again ﬂew from her home in the high peaks of Celara, because the earth rumbled about her, and so she thought that a fourth war had come. She possessed little, so she ﬂew away unencumbered. Ekaes was always ﬂying somewhere, moving as often as someone of the ﬂame, though she had not ﬁre’s courage. Indeed, moving without purpose was common for the people of the wind, but when the third war was beginning, she ﬂed from the old world, and so she survived.

This is purple prose. These sentences have little, if any, grammatical structure behind them. This whole paragraph has me utterly baffled as to how you are trying to say this that I'm not even sure how to say it's wrong besides that it is wrong.

The rest of the sample fares even worse- there are outright contradictions and things that make no sense. "Even though the people of the wind wore light clothing, because thicker clothes would merely weigh these small people down, Ekaes felt the heat." Thin clothing does not stop heat from reaching you.

I could- and probably should- continue, but it is past two AM and I have work.

Also, fire does not need to be in all capitals.

Permission not granted.