Subject: Well
Author:
Posted on: 2011-12-09 21:14:00 UTC

Were this a request I was PGing, I would probably make my call based on how you wrote the two of them in your writing sample and just make some comments on possible problems here, so I'll do that now:

The Scribe: I don't know the Whoverse so I can't make a call on the validity of her background, but she doesn't sound bad as long as the emotional connection to her TARDIS is canonical. I wouldn't name her "THE Scribe", though - aside from being awkward to read, it'll be irritating to type so many times - but just "Scribe". Also, I'm assuming that the Time War is a known part of Whoverse canon, and so I believe it'd be almost impossible for an active agent working in that field not to have active access to the knowledge.

I like the touch about indigestion. Saying she "absolutely hates squick" is all nice and good, but squick is subjective, so all you're actually saying here is that she hates the things that make her cringe and hide, which is just redundant - you haven't defined what it actually is that she hates.

Lisa: Generally, unless something has changed while I've been away, if a fic is unpublished it doesn't actually affect canon - as in, it hasn't gone out into the world of public access and so can't affect the word worlds. You could easily change this by pretending the fic was once posted and then deleted.

Having Lisa be speshully dumped in the PPC is not the best idea - how about just have her be recruited like so many other agents are? You don't want PPC agents to have things happen "luckily" very often; it makes them seem favoured by the Ironic Over-Power/Universe/TPTB/et cetera, which they never are. I worry about her youth in that it's far too easy to write children (or teenagers) as adults, or at least as equals with adults. I see that you're going for contrast with Scribe, but I don't think it needs to be that extreme. If you don't want to change the fic she came from, how about saying she was thirteen when she was recruited, and put to work behind a desk for the next five or six years until she could go out into the field?

Overall, for the both of them, you're paying a lot of attention to how they look, but as this is just bios I'm not worried. Their interactions oculd be very funny; just be careful not to push them to extremes just to make contrast.

And... those are all my initial thoughts. I would like to see some more depth of character for both of them, but again, that's what the writing sample is for. I hope that was helpful!

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