Thanks for the concrit

Mission ?: Coffee Rain and Vanilla Folders (DMS SGA/NCIS) by Guvnor of Space on 2011-11-13 07:29:00 UTC Reply

Orken tells Thomas of the last mission he went on with his previous partner; to a badfic where nothing made any sense. Includes a cameo by Miah and Cali.

Link: Link!

Minis:

Mini-LEOs:
Timithy McGee
Dr. Donald Mallards
tony
Gibbs Antonio

Mini-Unas:
Stargate commands (may be wandering headquarters)

This is the absolute strangest fic I've ever sporked, as anyone has been hanging out in chat lately knows from my talking about it. Huge thanks to Miah for finding it, and to all my betas for betaing this mission. Oh, and if anyone is interested in picking up a vanilla folder, there may be some in Calhoun and Agenew's former response center. (Who are they you ask? Read the mission if you want to know.)

Some concrit (spoilers.) by PoorCynic on 2011-11-14 02:22:00 UTC Reply

First off, OOH BACKSTORY! Seriously though, this mission does a very good job of fleshing out Orken's character. It gives him a greater sense of depth, which is something that is always good to shoot for. Kudos to you for that!

That being said, the mission as a whole feels a bit scattershot regarding the overall tone. Jeannine's descent into maddness initially seems like it's going to be played somewhat dramatically. However, this preconception is almost immediately discarded with a kinda goofy crossover and a very goofy breakdown. Then, at the very end of the mission, we return to the present day and back to everything geared towards drama.

Sometimes drastic tonal switches like the ones in this mission work very well. Dark comedy, dramedy, whatever you what to call it: it's a legitmate genre. However, I personally don't think that it worked in this case. Jeannine ranting about historical politicians and coffee rain made it very difficult for me to take the story seriously. Had her breakdown been a little more darker, I probably would have enjoyed this mission a great deal more than I did.

Still, you did some nice character-building here, and there seems to be some interesting strain building between your agents. I'm looking forward to your next mission.

Thanks for the concrit by Guvnor of Space on 2011-11-14 02:47:00 UTC Reply

Good points. I understand what you're talking about. If I ever write this kind of dramedy in the future, I'll try to keep it in mind. Consistency of tone is honestly an issue I have never had to deal with at this level before.

I think another issue that this points to is this mission being more about building Orken's character than telling Jeannine's story. I think I segregated the flashback and the "present" stuff in a way I really shouldn't have, at least in my mind. I dunno. This is making me think about things I didn't when I was writing this (or at least not this much about.) Thanks for provoking my thoughts.

Glad I could help. (nm) by PoorCynic on 2011-11-14 02:48:00 UTC Reply

Wow. (Spoilers!) by Caddy-Shack on 2011-11-13 22:23:00 UTC Reply

Yeah, that sure was different then usual. Don't see someone going mad (well, long-term anyway) very often. I can sorta sympathize with Orken, and agree with him. But, he probably should have found something better then Luxury for that, of course, Orken probably isn't used to those emotions (Well, genocide toilets aside) so, he still gets a hug.

*Hugs Orken* ^_^

Can;t wait to see more of this unfold!
*cue the depressing music* (spoilers) by HerrWozzeck on 2011-11-13 13:11:00 UTC Reply

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zq9U8oL7D04

Sorry, it just kinda felt like it called for it. Poor Orken indeed... :(

And yeah, that fic was incredibly trippy. The word mishaps were all absolutely wonderful, and I had a great time with it. Please do keep up the good work!
Trippiest fic ever. (Here there be spoilers.) by Ellipsis Flood on 2011-11-13 09:23:00 UTC Reply

I imagine that this is how the world looks like when you take drugs. Which drugs? I don't know, but I wouldn't recommend them.

Also, poor Orken. The new ending made him so perfectly aww-inducing. *hugs Orken* Ha! I did it.