Subject: She's from Dresden Files?
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Posted on: 2011-11-13 05:15:00 UTC

hmm...

Why did you have her wear leather? I mean, like, is it a style choice--she likes leather, for some reason? Part of a subculture? Is it practical for her, the way bikers wear leather because it offers protection? Does she wear it because she feels sexy in it?

I don't really agree with July that you're actually into Sue/Stu territory here; but there does seem to be some unnecessary glitter that could be trimmed. I think a good rule of thumb is probably: If a trait doesn't add to or support your character's personality, if it's there just to look cool, then dump it. That's excess glitter. It has the effect of cluttering up the character, so you have to spend a lot of time maintaining all those extra little traits you didn't really need in the first place.

Once you get into outright 'Sue territory, you have glitter that's totally unexplained, never even used, flies in the face of logic, etc... I don't think you're in that range yet--just that it'd probably be simpler to trim the extra stuff, so you could focus on your character's personality.

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