It worked really well. And I'll be looking forward to seeing more of your agents.

SPOILERS FOR THE MISSION AHEAD

It's always nice to see another PPCer branching out into video game missions. You did a very nice job of deconstructing this particular badfic, which was definitely deserving of the descriptor 'bad.' The agents you've created have some good bits of back-and-forth, and could definitely be very interesting with some character development.

That being said, I have several major qualms about this story. The agents being able to see the in-game HUD, while amusing at first glance, led to my becoming a little confused the more I thought about it. The mission seems to imply, though Sylvia's nonchalance, that she's accustomed to the presence of the HUD due to being a native of the Falloutverse. Are you saying that everyone in the Falloutverse has their own HUD? It can't be an artifact of the Pipboy, as Natasha isn't wearing one. Yeah, I know that I should always keep the MST3K Mantra in the back of my mind, but this particular instance seemed a bit too logic-bending.

Then there was the ending. It was nice seeing the issues surrounding trying to neuralyze canonical characters who wear sunglasses all the time (not to mention fairly entertaining,) but the whole sequence peters out fairly undramatically. I hate to quote TV Tropes, but you basically just dropped a bridge on the Stu. He's supposed to be this big tough badass, and yet Sylvia "just shot at the Stu until he died" offscreen? I'm sorry, but that feels a bit like a cop-out to me.

Finally, there are some SPaG issues here and there: multiple exclamation points (and, at one point, multiple interrobangs) in your agents dialogue, a few miscapitalized words, some missing punctuation marks, and a couple of run-on sentences.

You've got a lot of promise with both your writing and your agents. However, it's going to take a lot more work. I look forward to your future projects with interest.

I've been lurking on the boards for a while-- real life and a Game of Thrones RP site have been eating my time >_> Even though I don't know much about Fallout-- well done! A pleasant read. :)

You took good advantage of some of the badfic's funny lines. I really enjoyed your interpretation of "everything about him screamed." I also like how you brought up the game's mechanics early on, and returned to them later in the finale.

I did see quite a few typos in here, though. In particular, there were a few places where you used "to" instead of "too." Also, several times you used "cannon" instead of "canon." I would suggest reading through this again carefully with an eye for spelling.

...don't forget to update the Wiki with this stuff!

And for future reference, we usually post minis we find in the topic we use to post the mission.

This mission was quite a bit of fun, particularly when it got to the climax. Here's me saying that I can't wait for the next little excursion you take into badfic. :D

Even though I don't know Fallout, this was really fun to read, and I liked the climax. However, there were a few typos:

while watching the Stu and the cannons turn in for the night.

We could just neutralize them and send them back to their base.”

[Shouldn't that be "neuralize"]

and there was a flash as the Neuralyzer was activated.

Other than that, the mission was awesome. Keep up the good work!

New fallout people! Huzzah!

Looking forward to more missions, SS.