Nice to meet 'ya!

Here, have a mochi! Be careful, he's cute, but vicious!

Welcome to the funhouse madhouse!

I would have given you one of the mutant glowing locusts that I've been working on, but they, er... escaped, so have this 4000V bug zapper, just in case.

Welcome, new friend! Help yourself to the sack of venomous arthropods. Don't worry; they don't bite!

Welcome to the madhouse, now that you've delurked the insanity will begin to truly show itself to you. As a gift I offer you a selection of things with points including, but not limited to: Unbuggerable beasts, Quills, Witch hats and a special slow cooker devised for PPC agents that can be set to hold the food in temporal stasis if (when) a mission arrives in the middle of making dinner.

Here, have some chocolate, won't you?

Have an egg whisk! It's shiny, gold-plated, and hey, it whisks eggs! It's also particularly useful for getting rid of author wraiths and those pesky spambots. Use it for good and not evil.

Welcome to the insanity! Enjoy the ride.

Hi, have some fudge!

Well met, rookie! Please enjoy this oversized rotisserie set - perfect for roasting griffons, hippogriffs, and other fantasy monsters - as a welcoming gift.

Welcome! Have some animal crackers (not made with real animals).

Have some Obscure Syntax!

So, welcome to the PPC. I'd like to direct your attention to the Board Constitution and the IRC Rules on the wiki. Y'see, we weren't kidding when we said no swearing. Now, you're welcome to come back to the IRC any time, as a kick is not a permanent thing. Just, y'know, cut out the swearing, yeah?

Hiya! Always fun to meet new people! What first introduced/brought you to us? We love hearing about how new people find us!

Have a teddy bear and a tequila sunrise (can be exchanged for a non-alcoholic beverage if you don't drink).

It's nice to see newbies come forward. So how did you find the PPC? What kind of stuff here do you like? :D

Also, have a winter hat! It's knit from only the softest spun fleece of Cute Animal Friends, and it's sure to keep you warm even in the most soul-numbingly cold of badfic!

*carefully anoints Bloom with fluffy hat*