Have some molten-scenery-gloop, made from real disintegrated reality! Freshly collected, er... about two weeks ago. I'd recommend against eating it because the last time someone tried that... *flips through slightly toasted lab report*... well I think that page was destroyed in the explosion, but suffice to say that it's a bad idea.

Have an egg whisk! It's shiny, gold-plated, and hey, it whisks eggs! It's also particularly useful for getting rid of those pesky author wraiths and spambots. Use it for good and not evil.

Welcome to the insanity! Enjoy your stay. :-)

I also came here from Tv Tropes! Well, you'll be very welcome here! Have a flamethrower, fueled by the finest flames! (flames as in reviews) You can literally set anything on fire with this flamethrower! (If you become flamethrower crazy, or in Tropenese Ax Crazy, I promise to take the blame. Just in case you become flamethrower crazy, I am crazy prepared and the flamethrower will explode if in the hands of an insane man... person... thing.

Welcome to the madhouse!

Here is a selection of things with points, including, but not limited to: Skewers, spears, asparagus and a get out of TvTropes free card.

Have an open file descriptor!

Have some chocolate, won't you?

Hi, have some fudge!

Glad to meet you, Mr/Mrs/Miss/Other/Undefined desdendelle!

Have a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object!

Have a cup of strong herbal tea and a sequined fez as welcomming gifts!

Hi! Have a Holy Hand Grenade! (Do not use against rabbits)

Welcome! You've caught us in a bit of an adjustment period, so please allow me to help you settle in with some useful information. First, if you haven't already done so, please go read our Constitution. This is the thing we all agree to in order to keep it fun here, in the IRC, etc.

Second, the Original PPC Series by Jay and Acacia. Pretty much what it says on the tin—this is our canon, if you will, so it's a good idea to read it in order to get an idea of what we're all doing here.

Third, we have a wiki! For tons more information, much of which is specifically aimed at newcomers, I heartily recommend reading the front page and going from there.

... If you haven't noticed, this is a reading-intensive hobby. I hope you're into that. *g*

Also, please ask any questions you may have—preferably in this thread while it's still near the top, since each new thread pushes an older one off the front page.

Anyway, welcome to the Board! Have a complimentary bumper sticker. *sticks on a sticker reading "Got SPaG?"*

~Neshomeh

Hello Desden.
Would you like to play a game?

Have a bag of references. *Pulls one out of the bag* Ooooh look! Screw the rules I have money! Thats always a good one. Anyways, welcome to the PPC!

Welcome, new friend! Help yourself to the sack of venomous arthropods. Don't worry; they don't bite!

Welcome to the PPC! Have some edible ball bearings - Earth is the only planet that's got them, you know!

(Also, you'll find lots of fellow Tropers here - many of us, myself included, discovered the PPC through TVtropes. And as for the crazy, we love the crazy, you'll fit right in!)