Subject: RE: A problem
Author:
Posted on: 2011-10-09 00:20:00 UTC

Not to get off topic, but I'm clearly in difficult territory here, so I'll try to explain my stance on the fic. My points include:

- SPaG is fine, though some of the punctuation is jarring.

- The naratives of both chapters seem to initially deal with Imperial responses to two unrelated invasions, but are quickly sidetracked and not heard about again once the "main action" kicks in. We don't even know what planets are being invaded, nor are the two chapters connected.

- Warping of social norms (or lack thereof) are the most noticable problem here. The main characters are OOC and there are multiple questionable acions on the part of the Imperial chars (eg: Commissar raping a Chaos witch AFTER banishing a daemon from the same person (a big no-no as far as Imperial doctrine is concerned))

Truth be told, I am undecided as to whether to proceed or leave it well alone. You can find the link within my Permission request (WARNING: LINK IS NSFW) and see what you think. I'll not proceed for now and consider alternatives.

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