Subject: I submit this short mockery for your approval/amusement.
Author:
Posted on: 2013-05-27 12:31:00 UTC

(for reference, this is AOS. Even though you've said it was the 24th century. Hope it's still funny...)

"Oh woe is me, for my eyes are a depressing shade of violet!" the woman wailed.

Jim Kirk gave her an odd look. "Uh, right. I'll just be over here, okay?" He turned and quickly walked over to the nearest crewmember on the bridge. "Uhura, help!" he hissed. "She's at it again."

The Communications officer rolled her eyes. "Is it the red-and-blue hair this time, or the purple eyes?"

"The eyes," Kirk replied, glancing back at the Cardassian Ambassador's aide. "I don't get why she thinks they're so unusual, we were just on a planet where everyone had them--shit, she's coming over here!"

"How couldst thou ever love one such as me?" the woman in question cried. A single tear slid down her cheek. "For I have amethyst eyes and glittery skin and crimson-and-cobalt hair--"

"Spock!" Kirk called. "Put that picture on the viewscreen, will you?"

Spock complied, and Kirk turned the woman to face the viewscreen.

"Look," he said. "See those people?"

The woman gasped. "But--but--"

"They look exactly like you," Kirk said. "Uh, except for the skin, but that's probably added--uh--right. Look, we were just on a planet where everyone had that coloring. So you can stop whining about it, and maybe even, I don't know, do your job." He let her go, and walked down to the Captain's chair.

The woman stood frozen for a short five minutes, during which the bridge operated normally (with perhaps a few added snickers). Then, the relative silence was broken.

"Woe is me," the woman wailed, "for I have naturally shimmering skin! How couldst thou ever--"

"Please get off the bri--"

"--love one cursed--"

"Get off the bridge!"

"--with such an afflic--" The woman's voice stopped mid-sentence, and most of the bridge crew breathed sighs of relief.

Kirk grinned. "I knew there was a reason I keep you around," he said to Spock.

The Science officer raised an eyebrow. "I was merely removing a disruption," he said calmly.

"Pay up," Sulu whispered to Chekov, and the Navigator complied.

"I cannot believe ze keptin did not crack first!" Chekov muttered.

Uhura took one more look at the unconscious woman lying abandoned on the floor, and turned back to her station, smiling.

--

I really need to see the new movie. I've missed these guys a lot.

~DF

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