Congratsi :)

A few comments:

I like your writing - it's engaging. And your creativity is good and PPCish - the hologram waterfall and adjacent graffiti made me laugh. I also like the agents you've sketched out in your bios; they're fairly unique and have a good deal of potential. In practice, however, you lean a little bit towards speshulness - having Ally be so notorious that a dozen or more agents won't work with her, and spending ten words describing Grace's hair in her first paragraph, for instance. It's not terrible. Just be aware of your tendency to do this and you should be fine.

I also have a problem with your characterisation of the Sunflower Official - characterisation is, of course, a subjective thing, but I can't see him saying that he "thought it best not to insist" when agents threaten him. The SO I remember reading in TOS is a lot more firm than that, regardless of threats. So please keep an eye on that too, and perhaps re-write some parts of that scene?

Also, I don't think the SO can nod, nor that he has an intern acting as a secretary, nor that anyone in the PPC would (dare to) move someone else's belongings. However, these are relatively minor. Again, it's something to keep in mind, not bad enough to be denied Permission. As, obviously, I haven't.

Overall, you're good to go. Have fun :)