Subject: Re: Permission Granted
Author:
Posted on: 2011-08-29 10:16:00 UTC
First, thank you so much.
Second: You're right, I probably should rewrite that scene, and I will when I get time. I don't know why you thought Ally was his secretary, but I obviously didn't write that part well enough to make it clear that she wasn't. *goes to fix it*
Again, thank you. *hugs*
I have requested Permission before, but my first request wasn't confirmed or denied, so I thought I'd ask again, now that I've revised my bios and writing sample.
Bios: http://astra-aurora.livejournal.com/11763.html
Sample: http://astra-aurora.livejournal.com/16056.html
The fic I first intend to spork: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4766575/1/RosebelandHerLifeBefore
Congratsi :)
A few comments:
I like your writing - it's engaging. And your creativity is good and PPCish - the hologram waterfall and adjacent graffiti made me laugh. I also like the agents you've sketched out in your bios; they're fairly unique and have a good deal of potential. In practice, however, you lean a little bit towards speshulness - having Ally be so notorious that a dozen or more agents won't work with her, and spending ten words describing Grace's hair in her first paragraph, for instance. It's not terrible. Just be aware of your tendency to do this and you should be fine.
I also have a problem with your characterisation of the Sunflower Official - characterisation is, of course, a subjective thing, but I can't see him saying that he "thought it best not to insist" when agents threaten him. The SO I remember reading in TOS is a lot more firm than that, regardless of threats. So please keep an eye on that too, and perhaps re-write some parts of that scene?
Also, I don't think the SO can nod, nor that he has an intern acting as a secretary, nor that anyone in the PPC would (dare to) move someone else's belongings. However, these are relatively minor. Again, it's something to keep in mind, not bad enough to be denied Permission. As, obviously, I haven't.
Overall, you're good to go. Have fun :)
I believe there IS an OS bit where Jay or Acacia threatens the Sunflower Official. He did get a little apprehensive. But he still doesn't do a 360.
If that makes sense. It would probably make more sense if I had the time to go through all 20+ missions and find the episode. But I don't.
I probably should have phrased myself a little better. I just meant that I don't think the SO wouldn't bow to those threats with this sort of implied ease - but, then again, this is a shared universe, so characterisation is up for grabs.
Heh, I'll race you. We'll both lose. I haven't had time lately either.
I wish I had time to do that... but really, I don't. The most "fun time" I had today was memorizing 20 lines of Tolkein's Lay of Leithian while waiting for my ride. Which was fun. But short.
I hate it that our parents and teachers and older siblings and everyone else turned out to be well and truly right - when you're an adult, you don't have time for anything. You just don't. Get up, eat, work, eat, sleep. That's it. Gah!
That does sound like fun. Any particular reason?
Well, because the more insane something sounds to me, the more attractive it sounds. Well, with certain things: memorization, for example.
I thought the Lay was going to be 200-300 lines. But no. It's several thousand lines long.
I thought I wouldn't make it past line 200, but I'm on line 230 and I can still remember the first lines. So it will take me most of my adult life, but it will be done.
:)
And if you like that sort of thing, go for a sonnet. Because I love Tolkien, but sometimes memorizing the Lay feels like work. My two sonnets didn't. Neither did the Julius Caesar speeches.
It is fun, but it has its ups and downs like writing.
Thousand. Yes. Arg... good luck with that. :)
First, thank you so much.
Second: You're right, I probably should rewrite that scene, and I will when I get time. I don't know why you thought Ally was his secretary, but I obviously didn't write that part well enough to make it clear that she wasn't. *goes to fix it*
Again, thank you. *hugs*
You're welcome :)