"The PPC is unrecognisable to those who knew it in its early days" I sort of took the idea of things being completely different and ran with it. Here's my story. Sorry it's kind of long. (~1700 words) Entry

"You're joking."

"No, I'm not. I don't joke, Tarin, you know that."

"Well, yeah, but-- Really, Mer?" Tarin looked skeptically at her friend, who sighed, and then motioned at the stasis chambers before him.

"Okay, so, in 2012, everyone was going nutso about the supposed apocalypse, right?"

"Right." Tarin remembered that from her history lessons, and had always thought that was stupid. Besides, everyone knew the apocalypse was going to happen in the year 5000. Duh.

"So, a couple agents volunteered to go into stasis in case anything actually happened and they had to rebuild society. Among them was my umpteen-times great grandma. Dad used to take me down here and tell me the story about how she volunteered, and how her partner raised her son after that," Mer said, relishing his captive audience.

"So why didn't they unfreeze her after the apocalypse didn't happen?" Tarin asked, frowning a bit.

"Because the tech was so experimental, all they could do was keep an eye on the agents' vitals and hope for the best," Mer replied, shrugging. "That's why it's a part of Medical now."

Tarin regarded the young woman in the chamber before her with an appraising eye. She didn't look over twenty-five, and was dressed in all brown. "So," she asked, "what was her name?"

"Mal. Her name was Mal."

"Cool. Hey, do you think she can hear us?" Tarin tapped on the glass door, jumping back when a holographic overlay popped up under her fingers.

Mitochondrial genetic access key accepted. Now opening stasis chamber seven, droned a robotic voice. Tarin and Mer exchanged panicked looks and then turned back to the stasis chamber, where the glass door was sliding open. A flash of bright light and a high pitched whine signaled the deactivation of the stasis field, and the chamber's occupant stumbled out, her first breath turning into a sudden cough as she breathed for the first time in a thousand years.

Mer caught Mal as she stumbled over herself, and then gently lowered her to the floor so she could catch her breath. Mal looked up at Mer and Tarin with a bleary-eyed gaze, and then spoke, her voice shaky.

"D-did it work?" she stuttered, raising one shaky hand to her head. "Is ev-everyone okay?"

Tarin and Mer looked at one another. They were so going to get in trouble for this.

Newly-made Agent Rachel Baryn was overjoyed as she made her way down the corridors of PPC HQ to the Portal Room, where she would be teleported to her new partner. "Ooh, this is so *exciting*!" she squealed. "I'm an *Agent* now and I'm going to fight *badfic* and everything's going to be so *fun*..."

"Newbies," an older man said in disgust as he emerged from his RC.

Rachel was filled with righteous indignation as she drew herself up to her full height. "Everyone has to start somewhere! Besides, who are you to condemn me for enthusiasm?"

"Someone who's seen everything, kid," the older Agent said, his voice sounding very tired. "Once you've sporked your first badfic and nearly got killed, all that enthusiasm will be gone."

Rachel folded her arms, mentally writing him off as a disillusioned pessimist. "This *will* be fun. Besides, the PPC's safe as houses now."

The older Agent laughed sardonically. "Safe? Are you joking?"

Rachel was confused. "But it is! With everything Makes-Things has built, there's no danger at all!"

The older Agent shook his head. "That's what they want you to think. Newbies like you get the worst of it- half the newbies get killed or maimed in their first mission. They walk in, fresh out of Basic Training and full of enthusiasm, and then they do everything by the handbook and get killed because it doesn't tell them to duck. Kid, if you want to survive in this place, wise up. You need to keep calm, make sure you know what's happening and always, always know where the Sue is."

Rachel was shaken. "Half the newbies?"

"I might be exaggerating a little," he replied. "This place used to be so much better, before we expanded."

"Really?" Rachel asked, intrigued despite what he'd just told her.

"More dangerous, but," he said. "But they took better care of the newbies. Still, it wasn't like people didn't get hurt, or killed- and it wasn't just the newbies. You heard the stories about Agent Dafydd?"

Rachel nodded instantly. Along with Jay, Acacia, Makes-Things, Laburnum, Foxglove, Trojanhorse, Paddlebrains, Tasmin, Allison, Tawaki, Suicide and a handful of others, the elven Agent had become legendary.

"He got killed when he went into Celebrian."

Rachel let out a squeak at the name of one of the Legendary Badfics.

"They sent four agent pairs into Subjugation. Nobody knows what happened to Cameo, Gunny and Wayne vanished, Rez and Flip went into hiding, Suicide and Diocletian did the same and Supernumerary was the only one to make it out. The PPC isn't safe. Don't make the mistake of thinking it is, or you'll get killed."

"But didn't Dafydd kill himself just to kill the fic?" Rachel asked.

The older man nodded. "And then he got brought back to life. That's why he's legendary. Nobody sporked badfic like him."

Rachel opened her mouth to reply when her watch chimed. She looked down and the message scrolling across its screen informed her that if she didn't get a move on, she'd be late. "Oh! I have to go!"

The older man nodded. "Good luck, kid. Just remember, keep your eyes open. It'll keep you alive."

Rachel nodded and took off at a run, ready to begin her new life.

I have a fun idea, and I began writing it, but holy crap did it get out of control! You seem to be looking for ficlets, but mine just passed two pages and I've only just begun. Ah well, maybe next time.

“You know how it started, don’t you?”

Arvin paused awkwardly, his hand fidgeting with the sonic screwdriver it held. He had been about to sit back down to his desk covered in malfunctioning CADs when the older man had spoken. As much as Arvin would have liked to get back to work, he supposed he owed it to Voctor Kamras to at least stop and hear what he had to say. After all, most of what Arvin knew he owed to Voctor’s careful training, back when a plothole had plucked the young Argivian out of his proper time and place and stranded him in the PPC’s original headquarters. Arvin placed his screwdriver down and leaned against the desk, watching the other technician.

Voctor relaxed as well, straightening his arms a bit before continuing. “You remember when you first arrived in part of the PPC?”

Arvin nodded. “In the museum.”

“Yes, the museum. Back then, that was the whole PPC. And that was where it first happened. The Mysterious Somebody.” Voctor started to smooth his hair away from his forehead, but seemed to think better of it and let his arm drop. “Three agents—very idiotic, susceptible to mind tricks—brought him back from my home continuum. A Sith Lord, lad, can you imagine?”

Saying nothing, Arvin continued to stare over Voctor’s shoulder.

“And all because agents were foolish enough to recruit characters from out of badfics back then! The Mysterious Somebody was the worst thing—the greatest disaster—to ever threaten the PPC. Certainly, there were others, though none as bad as the MS. And they were ALL badfic recruits. It’s amazing how long it took the Flowers to instate our current policy of only recruiting background canons from outside the influence of badfics. The chance is always present that we’ll wind up with Somebody Else just as bad.” Voctor looked up at the ceiling, a bit longingly.

“That is, after all, why we’ve installed all the departments on different worlds now. As you know, we at DoSAT are currently in the former headquarters of the Men in Black, which was disbanded after the existence of aliens became common knowledge to the population of this world. The DMS is, appropriately enough, in a formerly unsettled area of Middle-earth. Crossovers is stationed in Twilight Town in the Kingdom Hearts universe, and Bad Slash is in the old St. Mungo’s, before it was combined with that Muggle hospital. We can accept applicants directly, and simply kill all the characters encountered in any badfic. It’s much safer all around.”

Arvin hung his head. “I know all this already.” After a pause, he added, “Sir.”

“Oh. Yes. Of course, lad!” Voctor chuckled in embarrassment. “I only meant—well, I wanted you to know that I’m proud of you for doing this. You must always be watchful for that next Somebody Else. And you mustn’t trust anyone…not even me.” Voctor gave a small smile, but Arvin didn’t see it.

He couldn’t bring himself to raise his head, to look his long-time tutor in the eye as the Weeds who had been restraining Voctor pulled him to the door and led him away.

In the Great Years, before the death of Bast and the onset of the Urple Tide, a man arose among the PPC named Jared, called the Slayer. And it is told that, tempted by the goddess Luxury, Lady of Lust, he fell upon the maiden Traf and, in madness and love, devoured her. Now when the Gods heard this they were filled with wrath, but the Sub Rosa, who sees all, beseeches them that they send not forth Jay and Acacia to crush his skull and rend his flesh, but that they should prepare three labours for this man, that thereby he might redeem himself. And the Gods thought this good. "For lo," said Constance, Mother of All, "I would not see my child torn to shreds unnecessarily, and besides, it is traditional."

Then it was that the Blossoming One himself appeared to Jared the Slayer. And the first task the Sunflower Official laid before him was this: to retrieve the Three Holy Weapons from the Sues of the Mysterious Somebody – the Canon Cannon, the Book of Fandom, and the Most Holy Hat.

Long and hard Jared sought the Canon Cannon, in the wild places of deep time, until at the last he reached the lair of the foul Piratate. And fierce was their battle and many were the blows, but once only did the Piratate's Glance strike Jared, that he was filled with a lust for all women, and in return he smote her seven times, so that she died. And thus the Slayer returned the Canon Cannon to the PPC.

Now the power of the Canon Cannon is this: that by it men might travel the multiverse at will. And thus it is called the Portal, the Ready Advance. And by its power did Jared search long and hard for the Book of Fandom, in the wild places of deep improbability, until at last he reached the lair of the Slashing Demon. And fierce was their battle and many were the blows, but once only did the Demon's Gaze strike Jared, that he loved rather men than women, and in return he smote it seven times, so that it died. And thus the Slayer returned the Book of Fandom to the PPC.

Now the power of the Book of Fandom is this: that by it men may see the thoughts of their enemies even at a distance. And thus it is called the Words, the Cunning Attentive Device. And by its power did Jared search long and hard for the Most Holy Hat, in the wild places of deep unconsciousness, until at last he reached the lair of the Lego. And fierce was their battle and many were the blows, but only once did the Lego's Lovers strike Jared, that he loved no longer men nor women but became a Misogynistic Pig, and in return he smote him seven times, so that he died. And thus the Slayer returned the Most Holy Hat to the PPC.

Now the power of the Most Holy Hat is this: that by it men may change their form and move in secret. And thus it is called the Disguise Generator, the Disquieting Oracle of Randomly Kinked Sight. And now the Blossoming One appeared again to Jared and said, "You have done well. Hear now your second labour."

And Jared said, "No."

And the Sunflower Official said, "What?"

And Jared said, "That was three weapons, so it was three labours. Do the maths."

And the Sunflower Official said, "Hang on a minute-"

But Jared the Slayer donned the Most Holy Hat and became disguised, and he fired the Canon Cannon and left that place, and he read the Book of Fandom and knew the thoughts of Jay and Acacia, and the Gods could not catch him. And it is said that, if he has not died, he lives still.

Here it is: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1lI82J0EdHETXGsURXkF2LKsGO58JVmiiXuJAcxgFT04/edit?pli=1&hl=en_US

Other challenges: Maybe Tales from the Mirror Universe?