Subject: Something I wanted to show you guys...
Author:
Posted on: 2011-08-15 13:33:00 UTC
..to see how bad it rates on a scale of 1-10. >>; Please don't kill me? I was forced to write it for English.
I'm thinking of writing a fake badfic with this girl.. and having bad things happen to her if I ever decide to ask for Permission.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1UKlY5NhwWDo5f8I1fD1EO9zIRGQdI7te2Z6qot-W89c/edit?hl=en_US
What was the assignment? Is your teacher doing a course on Sue recognition and reform?
She wanted us to write our characters as detailed as we possibly could. I didn't want to do that to mine, so I made a Sue.
Actually, [insert native language here] lessions, especially earlier on, kinda encourage writing Sues and using Said Bookism. They tell you to write in extreme detail and almost never reuse a word.
Thinking about it, almost nothing I learned in school actually prepared me for writing stories. (Not counting general things like SPaG and reading.)
But I hope your teacher has a sense of humor.
Ok, first, formatting. Please, for the love of Yawgmoth, at least indent your paragraphs.
On a scale of 1-10, I'd give her 6.5. Yes, it's bad, and you've got the overbaked description down pat (though, frankly, I think you're tipping your hand with overuse. "Firey crimson" is bad enough for most sues, but "firey crimson blood red" reads like a parody) but Sues often have more than just cascades of adjectives. She doesn't have any titles, skills, or accomplishments, or even any powers beyond self-cleaning feet, mood-ring eyes, and teenage boy metabolism. If you're going for 24-karat Sue, she needs to at least have a power level over 9000 and be able to take Voldemort in a stand-up fight.