Subject: Enoyed reading! (nm) (nm)
Author:
Posted on: 2011-07-17 04:42:00 UTC
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Mission Plug! Az and Boston! LotR! The Sue Grows Roots! by
on 2011-07-14 10:43:00 UTC
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Go here! Read! Follow the clicky-links! It's in three pieces...
Agents Az, Boston, and their new Trainee Piper take on The Last of People of the Shadows, and get some new jewelry for sale on the black market.
Also, does anybody want a Mini with a ridiculously long name? -
Enoyed reading! (nm) (nm) by
on 2011-07-17 04:42:00 UTC
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Neat mission! (nm) by
on 2011-07-15 22:29:00 UTC
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Re: Mission Plug! Az and Boston! LotR! The Sue Grows Roots! by
on 2011-07-15 18:56:00 UTC
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What a stupid Sue. I don't understand the ones who know all the details of canon and then decides to muck it up badly.
I agree with Neshomeh, I would also like some more quotes of the stupidity. But other than that, good job! -
Nice work! by
on 2011-07-15 00:28:00 UTC
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I'm glad Piper will be looked after. Being a Sue doesn't exactly come with practical knowledge of how to take care of yourself, does it?
Stuff I noticed:
1. I'm not sure how "Thranduil for the short time formality stands between us" is a mini. Looks like a missing comma rather than a misspelling to me, like the Long Table Elrond from OFUM.
2. There were a few times I would have liked to see a quote from the fic to go with the silly shenanigans, like when Legolas was being a wig. How did that happen?
3. It's awkward dealing with a chapter heading as part of a sentence, especially when the normal line picks up with a capital letter, like with this one:The Shadow
I think formatting it differently might help. Maybe, "The heading for chapter seven, 'Dwarves,' skidded overhead, narrowly missing Piper again." You already demonstrated what the headers look like, so the reader should be able to visualize it at this point.
Ch 7
Dwarves
Skidded over head, narrowly missing Piper, again.
That's it for nitpicks. I always enjoy the serious character development you do in your missions while also keeping the humorous elements in play. Also, Farawen is awesome. She seems to be getting along well in HQ. ^_^
~Neshomeh -
Yay! by
on 2011-07-15 23:15:00 UTC
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Okay. I've fixed the awkward chapter heading thing, at least in that one place, and added in at least a couple more shenanigan-quotes...
As for Thranduil (etc. etc.), I tossed that out into the IRC a couple times going "dafuq is this?" and the consensus was that he was a Mini, so that's what I went with, since there was nothing else that would really be functional. :/