Re: Mission Plug! Az and Boston! LotR! The Sue Grows Roots! by
EileenAlphabet
on 2011-07-15 18:56:00 UTC
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What a stupid Sue. I don't understand the ones who know all the details of canon and then decides to muck it up badly.
I agree with Neshomeh, I would also like some more quotes of the stupidity. But other than that, good job!
Nice work! by
Neshomeh
on 2011-07-15 00:28:00 UTC
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I'm glad Piper will be looked after. Being a Sue doesn't exactly come with practical knowledge of how to take care of yourself, does it?
Stuff I noticed:
1. I'm not sure how "Thranduil for the short time formality stands between us" is a mini. Looks like a missing comma rather than a misspelling to me, like the Long Table Elrond from OFUM.
2. There were a few times I would have liked to see a quote from the fic to go with the silly shenanigans, like when Legolas was being a wig. How did that happen?
3. It's awkward dealing with a chapter heading as part of a sentence, especially when the normal line picks up with a capital letter, like with this one:
The Shadow
Ch 7
Dwarves
Skidded over head, narrowly missing Piper, again.
I think formatting it differently might help. Maybe, "The heading for chapter seven, 'Dwarves,' skidded overhead, narrowly missing Piper again." You already demonstrated what the headers look like, so the reader should be able to visualize it at this point.
That's it for nitpicks. I always enjoy the serious character development you do in your missions while also keeping the humorous elements in play. Also, Farawen is awesome. She seems to be getting along well in HQ. ^_^
~Neshomeh