Okay, let me take a crack at this.

-Orochimaru is not ever, ever, ever allowed to meet the Doctor. Ever. It only gives him ideas.

--Or any Time Lords.

--Or Jack Harkness.

--Or anyone who has ever come back from the dead (This including Gandalf, Kara Thrace, and roughly half the Marvel Universe).

-I am not allowed to make a ˆTerminatorˆ joke to a Cylon.

--They never get the joke, and you end up dead anyway.

-I will not give Agent Snapshot a cupcake.

-I will not put Juugo and Bruce Banner in the same room and make them angry.

--While the resulting fight would no doubt be epic, the reason that it is a bad idea should be obvious.

Shang Tsung. Dementor. Just no.

I will not scream and cry out, "Scootaloo!" if I see another agent eating chicken.

I will not taunt Nightwolf from "Mortal Kombat" by asking him is he knows Jacob from "Twilight". His wolf form is his Animality, not lycanthropy.

1. If I am in possession of a mythril necklace, I will not leave it on top of my console.
   -especially if the console is prone to screaming words instead of [BEEP]ing.
   -I will not leave the necklace on top of someone else's console, either.
   -In fact, if I have any inanimate object capable of speech, I will not leave it on top of another inanimate object capable of speech, especially if the latter object is or has a function similar to a CAD or a console.
   
   0. I must not portal Captain Jack Harkness into the 50th Anniversary episode of Doctor Who.
   -No, not even though John Barrowman says it would be a travesty for him not to be in it.
   -Using a TARDIS instead of a portal is right out.
   
   0. I must not create and/or spread rumors that Lenore Snow is the reincarnation of Agent Len.
   -Agent Len might not even be dead.
   -Who's Lenore Snow, anyway? We can't find a single agent or PPC civilian going by that name.
   -Just don't have anything to do with those rumors, alright?
   
   --
   I really do hope Jack turns up anyway. And I'm sorry if you're offended, Lenore--that's not how I meant this...
   
   ~DF

X) I will not gather together all of the fictional versions of Excalibur (or any other similarly ubiquitous weapon with multiple incarnations) just to see what happens.

- If I ignore the previous instruction, I will definitely not melt down all the different variations of the sword, and attempt to re-forge them into one Sword of Pure Awesomeness.

-- If I ignore that instruction, I fully accept that such a sword would undoubtedly be confiscated from me.

X+1) I will not attempt to re-forge Narsil, no matter how badly my LARP blacksmith character needs the practise.

X+2) Even if I have just ‘accidentally’ acquired an army of minis, I still can’t go on a rampage throughout HQ (unless I file the appropriate paperwork with my Department Head first).

X+3) I will not ridicule the theory that Slorps are capable of reproducing via mitosis, nor will I attempt to get agents to consider the implications of the phrase ‘meatloafslash’.

-I will not point out any Freud-ness in Reinforce's new Device
-I will not try to figure out how Bardiche's Zanber form's proportions seem to be as fluid as a swimming pool
-I will not introduce the Movieverse Chrono and Yuuno to the Liese twins
--Chances are that Chrono still knows them, anyways
-I will not try to set up a deathmatch between Walpurgisnacht and the Book of Darkness' berserk defense program
-Introducing the Wolkenritter to Servants, the Holy Grail's corruption and the berserk defense program, or in any way letting Book of Darkness and Holy Grail War creations come into contact is strictly prohibited
--'ShadowCrytalMage did it' is not a valid excuse

1. If I see Agents Jacques Bonnefoy and Luxury together, I will run.
   -I will not approach them.
   -I will not talk to them.
   -Staying to watch is right out.
   -Yes, even if they invite me.
   -Why aren't you running yet? Do you not understand the amount of Bleepka you're going to need?
   
   0. I will not use 'Glaurung' as a swear word anywhere in the general vicinity of the Calaquendi agents (especially Naergondir).
   -'Glamdring' is not an acceptable substitute.
   -'Gondolin' is right out.
   
   0. I will not tease the Disentangler about her planet having a beige sky.
   -She'll only tell me it's beige because it's morning, anyway.
   
   0. I will not tease the Agent about this either.
   -Teasing Agent Morgan is right out.
   -In fact, don't tease any of the Time Lord agents about this odd addition to their canon.
   
   0. I will not use the phrase 'Beige sky over Gallifrey!' as an exclamation around any Time Lord agents.
   -It may sound authentic, but it doesn't exist and is likely to get you strangled or thrown into a TARDIS' Eye of Harmony.
   
   0. I must not portal lampposts into HQ.
   -It's not funny.
   -People are still traumatized from being tied upside-down to lampposts during the Blackout.
   -FicPsych has more than enough work already.
   -Seriously, just don't do it.
   
   0. I will not keep a lamppost in my room/the corridor and tie Sues to it upside-down.
   -Yes, even if the Sues deserve it.
   -Canon characters are right out.
   -In fact, I am not Batman and Sues/possessed canon characters are not Gotham's criminals, and I must remember this.
   
   0. Robin did not get lost in HQ during the Blackout. This is a false rumor.
   -No, Superman did not come looking for him.
   -Batman didn't either.
   -These are all lies, and I must not perpetuate them.
   -No, not even if I found their notes.
   -In fact, would you mind looking this way, please? *flash!*
   
   0. I really should avoid tempting the Laws of Narrative Comedy.
   -Yes, you probably know this, but it bears repeating.
   -Taunting the Ironic Overpower is right out.
   -Trust us; we know what we're talking about.
   
   0. I must not shove Dean Winchester and Castiel together and tell them, "Now, kiss!"
   -I also must not do this with Arthur and Merlin.
   -Even though that one's practically canon.
   -Actually, both of them are practically canon.
   -It's still not a good idea, though.
   -Doing this with Sherlock and John is right out.
   -Yes, we know they're practically canon too. We know what good shipteasing looks like.
   -We'd add in 'don't do this with Spock and Kirk (any incarnation), either' but we assume you already know this.
   -They are considered the fathers (grandfathers?) of slash, after all.
   
   0. I must not confuse the names of Uriel and Ariel.
   -One is an Archangel. The other is the personification of Jerusalem and may have the head of a lion.
   -Yes, Ariel could also be the Little Mermaid.
   -Just don't confuse them, alright? It's embarrassing, and leads to awkward situations.
   
   0. I must not invent de-Horcruxing rituals (or any rituals) that invoke the wrong angel.
   -Especially in continua that never prove the existence or non-existence of such beings.
   -It's really awkward, and may pull in canon characters from Supernatural.
   -Not all of them are friendly.
   -If you must write such rituals, please realize that naming Harry Potter as Raphael's vessel is right out.
   
   --
   
   For anyone curious about what Calaquendi agents I'm going on about, they should be up and introduced within the next day or two. I just wanted to post all of these together so that I wouldn't wind up forgetting anything.
   
   ~DF

[SPOILERS FOR STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS]

I will not introduce the BBC version of Sherlock Holmes to the Star Trek reboot version of Khan Noonien Singh.
-The resultant amount of British supergenius would probably destroy the world.
-And attract far too many fangirls.

I will not blind people with lens flare.
-Unless I am J.J. Abrams.
-No, you are not J.J. Abrams.

I will not introduce Cinderella to Captain Janeway.
-Or Hermione.
-Or any other well-rounded female character with weapons.

[I'll try to come up with more later.]

• No matter how much I want to, I am not to lock Spock, Sherlock Holmes, and Tony Stark in a closet, with or without a box of scraps.
  
  - I will not build scale models of Annuvin, Barad-Dûr, Isengard, the Aperture Science Labs, or any world from the Myst franchise and attack passing agents with a DORKS set to "lilliputian" in order to populate them.
  -- No, not even if the agents just complained to me about needing a vacation.
  
  - Selling my handmade "THE SLORP: because evil is hammy" pins in front of the cafeteria is likely to get me attacked with a spatula.
  
  - The Slorp and the Horta are not long-lost cousins.
  
  - Trying to compare the direct similarities between The Mortal Instruments series and The Draco Trilogy is too long and utterly thankless of a task even for a PPC agent.
  --- [For those of you who want to know, I've barely finished chapter 2 and I've found two direct paraphrases and two suspected Buffy quotes. And I'm bored.]
  
  - Sledding down the stairs in the PPC on a trashcan lid, shooting ahead of me with Dr. Horrible's freeze ray, is a very stupid recreational activity that is likely to get me sent to ficPsych, if by some miracle I don't end up in Medical.
  --That thing is prone to backfiring unpredictably.

n. I will not imitate Wheatley around Evie in order to get a sarcastic reaction.
- I will not imitate Wheatley around Evie for any reason.

n+1. I will not test Sue assassination methods on Evangelion-verse Angels.

n+2. I will not put Leeloo, Alice and Violet Song jat Shariff in a room together 'just to see what happens'.
- Recording what does happen is right out.

-I will not attack a Weeping Angel with a sledgehammer.
-I highly doubt it works, and if it doesn't, one blink and you are one very very dead agent.
-I must not be in the general vicinity *ever* of a bodiless Makuta searching for a vessel.
-I will never play tag with a Creeper
-No, seriously. Bad Idea.
Eh. Not all of these may be good, but I certainly like the one about playing tag with a Creeper.

???. The C-14 Gauss Impaler Rifle is not an acceptable substitue for a nail gun.

???. I will not have a Weeping Angel and a Silent fight to the death in an arena for my own entertainment.
- I put an Angel and a what now into an arena? I can't remember.

???. We shall never talk about the Travelocity gnome incident ever again.

???. I will exercise restraint in the presence of Khalisah al-Jilani.

???. New Caledonia is not "Party Town."

???. Patrol Officer Taldaris is not afraid of the mini-Slorps.
- His cloak is not named Mister Snugglies either.

???. Rocket jumping. No.

???. I will not use my (unwitting) partner as a Jarate manufacturer.

???. I will leave the Aegis of the Immortal in its home canon of DOTA.
-Roshan will probably turn me into purée anyways.
-- The cheese is totally worth it, though.

???. Killing magical Suvians does not make me an Anti-Mage.

???. Zen gardens do not belong on Shakuras.

(I can't keep up with the numbers at this point.)

- I am not allowed to steal the magic notebook from Maxwell.
-- No good could come of it anyhow.

- I am not allowed to address the First and Forsaken Lion with, "'Sup bra."
-- They don't call him a DEATH knight for just any reason.

- In a similar vein, I am not allowed to attempt a high-five with Arthas.
-- Mainly because he'd kill me, and also because he's too tall.

- It is almost certainly a death wish to yell "LOOK AT ALL THESE UGLY F***ERS!" in Silvermoon City.
-- Or anywhere primarily frequented by blood elves, really.

- Gandalf is not some conjurer of cheap tricks, and I must remember this.
-- It's also probably a bad idea to do magic fingers in front of Saruman and go "haminah haminah hooo!"

-For the love of all things, DON'T EVER FIRE A RED BIRD AT THE S.O.!
-- Getting fired would be the LEAST of my worries then.

- Introducing Commander Shepard to his Gary Stu clone in Parallel Realities will likely get me punched in the throat, at the very least.
-- I'd personally like to not think about what the would do at the worst extreme

- Let it be noted: streaking in front of Samantha will only make the zombies want to kill me more.
-- You just can't be a drunk enough Russian to get away with that.

- Oh, by all means, let's just piss off a Charizard on Giant Pokemon Island, I'm sure nothing bad will happen.
-- On a related note: Let's never introduce Lucy from Elfen Leid and MewTwo to each other. It was hell enough for their respective series to deal with them escaping captivity and to notch security.

Cafeteria meatloaf is not a toy.
-Nor is it a scientific specimen worth resurrecting ala Frankenstein.
-Slorp was bad enough; we don't want zombie Slorp running around the place.

Asking about Agent Eledhwen and Christianne's relationship is liable to get me maimed.
-Especially if it's about sexual things. They're not like that.
-Seriously. No matter what Lux says.

The Travelocity gnome is not a Weeping Angel.
-No, not even if it's creepy as heck.

Not allowed to break into DoSAT to steal a TARDIS.
-Seriously, it was only cool when the Doctor did it.

Not allowed to attempt to neuralyse a Silent.

The Eye of Harmony is not a toy.

-Antimatter is not a toy.

-I am not allowed to pit Thrawn against Creed in any strategy game. Ever.

-If a Sue uses Car-Fu, Tank-Fu is not the correct countermeasure.

I will not introduce a Blocker to the Witch Wall.

I will not encourage Lord Fear to try to gain access to the internet.

I will especially not give Lord Fear a copy of the Evil Overlord List in any way, shape or form.
- No, not even indirectly.

1. I will not ask agent Desdendelle if he's a fungus.
   1850a. Nor will I ask him if he is in a relationship with a vampiric tree.
   1851. I will not let Kha-Beleth, the Demon Sovereign, meet with Sauron. Nothing good will come out of it.
   1852. I will not attempt to fuse Armageddon's Blade with the One Ring.

I will not introduce Shang Tsung from "Mortal Kombat" to Sauron.
-Nor will I ask Shao Kahn if he knows a famous starship captain James T. Kirk.

The Andalite Escafil device is not a toy.

I will not introduce Shang Tsung from "Mortal Kombat" to Sauron.
-Nor will I ask Shao Kahn if he knows famous starship captain by the name of James T. Kirk.

The Andalite Escafil device is not a toy.