As a Harmonian...

I come bearing Harmonian horror. by Tungsten_Monk on 2011-05-15 18:33:00 UTC Reply

This is already being sporked over at Why, God Why (here's the thread, though you need to be registered to see it: http://www.whygodwhy.org/t2683-robot-harmonian-attack ) but since this is such a godawful piece of tripe, I wanted to see if any of the PPCers were interested in murdering it. I'm sorely tempted to take it on myself, but I already have four other missions on my plate, so here you go:

Fic title: The Last War
Found at: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5997438/1/TheLastWar
Pairing: Harry/Hermione
Offenses against canon: Turning Ron into a violent, drunken abuser who literally murders a baby bird in front of his son; making Hermione a spineless doormat who seems to forget she even has magic; equating Beauty with Goodness; getting Ginny out of the way by making her turn into a fat, ugly Magical Racist; giving Hermione no qualms whatsoever about murdering Ron (no matter how abusive, she's way too chill about it) and destroying his body IN FRONT OF HER KIDS; and a godawful pile of urple prose and navel-gazing.

I'd swear it was a troll or a stealth parody, but the author seems deadly serious. Has anyone encountered this cluster... before? Anyone interested in killing it?

As a Harmonian... by Gandalf the Beige on 2011-05-31 01:55:00 UTC Reply

I hate these kind of fics.

For gods sake, just keep Ron Likable, Ignore the epilogue and explain Ginny's veer into arrogance with her being Harry's Long Lost Sister!

*Looks around* What?

Anyway, I think RHr could have been doable if, after GOF, Ron begins to try to familiarize himself with muggle thingies to impress Hermione, while Harry almost goes Magiphobic after Cedrics death, only to be cheered by Luna, who shows him that weirdness (even by wizarding standards) need not be bad.

Look... the only reason I went Ronin after Book 7 instead of committing honorable Shipping Seppuku was because the epilogue reportedly (and I have vowed never to sully my brain with it) sucked and blew at the same time.

I figure this is the one thing I can afford to be petulant about in life.
*Eye Twitches* by OpinionedAngel on 2011-05-17 14:12:00 UTC Reply

...Alright, I'm putting this on my "To Kill List."

If you're interested in killing it . . . by Tungsten_Monk on 2011-05-17 18:59:00 UTC Reply

. . . I forgot to add a charge. Implausible Crossover: the boat crew in chapter five is a magical version of the A-Team.

Yes, really. Same characterizations and everything.

...Yep, that might do it. (nm) by OpinionedAngel on 2011-05-19 16:43:00 UTC Reply

*Brandishes flamethrower* by Sylibane on 2011-05-16 23:51:00 UTC Reply

WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU BLARGH
What is this nundu manure? by Tawaki on 2011-05-16 00:40:00 UTC Reply

+++ Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot. +++
*snarl* It's OOC by Aeidhryn on 2011-05-15 23:11:00 UTC Reply

-to the point of being an entirely different story, with HP names substituted in.
Eurgh... by Fish Custard on 2011-05-15 20:03:00 UTC Reply

Even though I'm not a big HP fan (I know enough), this is just objectively awful. Good find, and good luck to the one who gets the dubious honour of killing it.
Ye gods... by Jacer on 2011-05-15 19:44:00 UTC Reply

KILL IT. I don't care who, someone KILL it.