I do this myself occasionally, but...

Subject: I do this myself occasionally, but...
Author: DigitalSocrates
Posted on: 2011-04-26 20:11:00 UTC

...you overuse certain phrases like 'of course,' 'in fact,' 'apparently,' etc. They add unnecessary words to the story diluting the story and slowing things down with pauses. If you go back and read sentences that include such phrases in most cases you'll find it reads just as well, if not better, without them. (Upon reading the rest of it, I find that this only applies to the introductory paragraphs and mostly disappears later on, but then the introduction is very important).

The rest of my comments reflect what you already acknowledge yourself in the actors note at the bottom. It's a very serious exposition heavy work that probably dragged on a bit too much.

If you want a good introduction to the two agents and backstory behind the Animorphs continuum, this is certainly a gem though. :P

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Interlude! by Neshomeh on 2011-04-24 06:03:00 UTC Reply

Guvnor of Space and I are pleased to share an interlude we've titled Dirty Laundry, starring Agents Ilraen and Orken. For those keeping track, this takes place shortly after Nume and Ilraen's last mission, which happened late summer of 2010, so before any of Orken's appearances so far.

Speaking just for myself, some of you may notice (probably with relief) that I've finally given up on Comic Sans MS. Let me know how Trebuchet MS works for you.

Concrit is welcome, as always.

~Neshomeh and Guvnor

*Animorphs fanboy squee* by doctorlit on 2011-04-26 21:16:00 UTC Reply

This is just great! I love how it starts with two characters who feel they should be antagonistic, but as they talk, they realize that they have no real reason to hate each other. It's kind of a beautiful thing. I'd love to see Ilraen and Orken do a mission together sometime. Maybe to Animorphs, so Orken can observe Ilraen acquiring and morphing a Yeerk?

You're in luck! by Neshomeh on 2011-04-27 06:03:00 UTC Reply

We are seeking an appropriate badfic for the purpose. {= ) A crossover, to be precise. What 'verses just depends on what's out there. I worry that between Orken's determination to be professional and Ilraen's general avoidance of conflict it might actually go too well, so we may have to wait for something particularly aggravating--messing with canon relationships would do it for Ilraen; I'm not sure about Orken, though. We'll see!

I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and you seem to have gotten out of it the same things that I do, which is really cool. Thanks for commenting! ^_^

~Neshomeh
*recalls one book where Cassie becomes a Yeerk* (nm) by DigitalSocrates on 2011-04-27 00:03:00 UTC Reply

Aye. But I meant: by doctorlit on 2011-04-27 02:50:00 UTC Reply

In that book, the characters did start out as antagonists, and the Yeerk came to accept a changed viewpoint. Here, we have characters who only hate each other because they think they're supposed to, but discover that, thanks to the harms they suffered at the hands of bad writing, they actually have a lot in common, and realize there was no reason to treat each other cruelly in the first place.

I actually wasn't trying to imply anything. by DigitalSocrates on 2011-04-27 03:36:00 UTC Reply

I just vaguely remembered the book.

Me too by Guvnor of Space on 2011-04-27 00:33:00 UTC Reply

"The Sickness." Yeah, that's one of my favorites. I also liked "Visser."

Yeerks! Yay...

I do this myself occasionally, but... by DigitalSocrates on 2011-04-26 20:11:00 UTC Reply

...you overuse certain phrases like 'of course,' 'in fact,' 'apparently,' etc. They add unnecessary words to the story diluting the story and slowing things down with pauses. If you go back and read sentences that include such phrases in most cases you'll find it reads just as well, if not better, without them. (Upon reading the rest of it, I find that this only applies to the introductory paragraphs and mostly disappears later on, but then the introduction is very important).

The rest of my comments reflect what you already acknowledge yourself in the actors note at the bottom. It's a very serious exposition heavy work that probably dragged on a bit too much.

If you want a good introduction to the two agents and backstory behind the Animorphs continuum, this is certainly a gem though. :P

Hmm. by Neshomeh on 2011-04-27 05:43:00 UTC Reply

That was me, then, since I did the intro. I'll keep an eye on that in the future.

What specifically dragged? The canon backstory bits?

Thanks for reading and commenting. {= )

~Neshomeh

Mostly the canon backstory bits, yes. by DigitalSocrates on 2011-04-27 18:37:00 UTC Reply

BTW - I still think Guvnor needs to come up with more silly backstory incidents then just the Plutonium incident :P

Approval by Karen Elaine DuLay on 2011-04-26 03:45:00 UTC Reply

I would like to say, this is brilliant! Like many, I too read Animorphs as a child, and this encounter is one I have never thought of before. What would an Andalite and a Yeerk say to each other? Fortunately, thanks to you, I have a fair idea now!

Hmmm...I would also like to request you two make another story about Ilrean and Orken. They would be the most unlikely of friends in their home 'verse, but in the PPC...well, anything's possible!

We're definitely thinking about it. by Neshomeh on 2011-04-27 05:31:00 UTC Reply

Specifically, a co-mission. We'll have to find a suitably irritating crossover first, but it's something we'd like to do. {= )

Meanwhile, thanks! Keep in mind that it would probably be rather different and end far less well between any other Yeerk and Andalite. There are some fairly special circumstances in play here. Still, I'd like to think it COULD happen in canon, maybe with sufficient time between the war and the story. Like old war vets getting together 30 years later or so. After enough time, the fact that you were in the war means you have more in common with your former enemy than you do with most others. Some on both sides would be able to see that, I think.

~Neshomeh

Well done! by PoorCynic on 2011-04-25 23:22:00 UTC Reply

I really like this interlude. You've got a good balance of both humorous moments and more dramatic fare. The dialogue between Ilraen and Orken was interesting and well-constructed. I particularly enjoyed how neither side really held the moral high ground. It just goes to show the complications inherent in the PPC's ragtag-misfit-type organization.

There were admittedly times when I felt like you were force-feeding me canonical information, but those moments were relatively inoffensive and over very quickly. I look forward to your next mission/interlude with bated breath.

Thanks! by Neshomeh on 2011-04-26 02:34:00 UTC Reply

Actually, since you mention it, how would you like to beta my next mission? I was going to e-mail you at some point, but this seems as good a moment as any. In this case, it's a co-write with Tungsten Monk, set in Middle-earth with a main character that's supposedly Harry Potter. I warn you, it's long. We're currently working on cleaning it up and trimming it as much as we can stand, but it's still likely to be upwards of 25,000 words (we may release it in two parts). Would you be up for it? We'll probably be ready for beta next week or so, but I think I remember seeing that you're doing another beta, so whenever you're done with that would be fine.

As for this, thanks again. Gray morality is fun, and it's actually one of the really good things about the Animorphs 'verse--the good guys are kind of jerks, and the bad guys are kind of sympathetic.

~Neshomeh

Sure! by PoorCynic on 2011-04-26 23:27:00 UTC Reply

I'd be happy to help with a beta.

Great. {= ) by Neshomeh on 2011-04-27 05:07:00 UTC Reply

I think your e-mail is on the wiki, so I'll drop you a line when we're ready. Thanks again!

~Neshomeh

Cool! by Aster Corbett on 2011-04-25 11:53:00 UTC Reply

I read a lot of the Animorphs series when I was a kid, so this makes me smile. Lots of potential for these characters.

What I liked most about this short was that it really showed the potential for HQ to be wacky and interesting, yet also give way to the fact that it bridges all gaps for all species in all continua. It's a discussion about canon, that shows the point of view of each character, as facilitated by the wacky go nuts setting that is HQ.

So nice to see people are taking advantage of the setting so well!

I'm glad you liked it. by Neshomeh on 2011-04-25 21:41:00 UTC Reply

As far as I know, we are the first people to use the (or a; I'm not sure there aren't more than one) HQ laundry room in a story. Once the idea came, though, it was perfect for this. I'm glad you seem to find the tone of the story well-balanced, too. Hopefully it works as an instance of being fairly serious while still keeping in the PPC spirit. {= )

~Neshomeh, who should add the laundry room to the wiki for future reference.

That was interesting. :) by Cassie Cameron-Young on 2011-04-24 08:43:00 UTC Reply

I know nothing about the Animorphs continuum beyond what I've learned reading your pieces, Neshomeh, but even so you've explained it all well enough that I understood the issue in this interlude. And I very much enjoyed seeing the Agents work things out between themselves. The PPC's awesome for letting people who would normally be mortal enemies on principle actually get to know each other. :)

Great job, guys!

Thank you by Guvnor of Space on 2011-04-24 20:21:00 UTC Reply

Pretty much what Nesh said. Orken is, at the very least, afflicted by human desires. Half human is probably about right, even though he would likely never admit it.

Also, I'm glad it makes sense. That's always a plus.
Thanks! by Neshomeh on 2011-04-24 18:59:00 UTC Reply

I don't know if this could only happen in the PPC, but it would sure be a lot harder anywhere else. Being orphans of badfic actually gives these two some common ground that they'd never have in canon, and of course Ilraen wasn't really indoctrinated with the rest of his species' prejudices. For practical purposes, he's at least half-human mentally, even as Orken is about half-human due to living as one physically. Topics for future conversations, perhaps.

I'm glad it all makes sense. I imagine Orken helped out a lot there, explaining "his side" to the stupid, ignorant Andalite. *g*

~Neshomeh