It seems a bit padded

Permission Request: Includes fun Interlude! by Guvnor of Space on 2011-03-15 18:01:00 UTC Reply

Hello again! It has been two months since I last applied for permission. In that time, I have learned the ways of the beta. I feel my writing has improved quite a bit, and it is time for me to reapply for permission.

I had three people Beta this, so if it's still not good enough spelling and grammar wise, I may need professional help.

Writing Sample: (PPC Interlude)
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gCqhCgvQMs0DKnDC4JoVbHIzSt1AIuH9KWDA8-wL5uY/edit?hl=en&authkey=CIzW0sIP#

The agents who will undertake the mission are:

Agent Thomas Greenwall
Age: 18
Sex: Male
Home Continuum: World One
Department: Mary Sues

Bio: Most people first describe Agent Greenwall as “enthusiastic.” He is known for his constant pacing, loud talking, and always being excited about everything, even venturing into badfic. (“I get to help the canon, which is AWESOME!”) He has only been on the job for a month, and only recently been assigned to the department of Mary Sues. A pool is currently going as to how long he will think his job is (deep breath) AWESOME! He refers to everyone as “dude.” His side of the response center is an utter mess, a collection of weapons and flags that he has traded for.

Weapon of Choice: AK-47 (“It’s not subtle, but I’ve always wanted to use one of these!”) Also carries a wicked K-Bar, which he has never used on a mission. Both weapons happen to be native to the Stargate SG-1 continuum, which is also his favorite.

Agent Orken 7861
Age: ~24
Sex: Male
Home Continuum: Animorphs
Department: Mary Sues

Bio: Cynical and easily annoyed, Agent Seveneightsixone would be described by most as up-tight. He insists that everyone refers to him as “Agent Orken.” Very few ever do. He believes that they assigned him the partner they did in an attempt by Upstairs to tone down Greenwall’s behavior. Time will tell if it’s successful.

Orken is a Yeerk nothlit from the post war Animorph’s continuity, recruited while his native fic was on the verge of deletion. Due to his lack of Sue tendencies, while still being an original character, an Agent recruited him. (She claims it had NOTHING to do with an attempt at receiving a vacation.) He has been on the job a while now, and has gone through two partners in that time. His last one went insane after a particularly rough job. He has taken enough Bleeprin to forget the specifics.

Weapon of Choice: Dracon Beam. (“Sometimes, being able to just disintegrate a Sue can have it’s advantages.”) He picks up as many as possible whenever he is in the Animorphs continuity, and keeps them in a cabinet in his response center. In any other continuity, he will use whatever weapon he deems the most efficient.

The mission will be run in the Stargate SG-1 Badfic known as "Stargate: Discovery" . It’s on the list of unclaimed badfic for a reason.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5820378/1/Stargate_Discovery

*puts on the Hat* by Makari on 2011-03-17 03:42:00 UTC Reply

I've had it long enough, might as well wear it.

I'm going to go ahead and say you have my Permissiony seal of approval.

You have indeed learned the ways of the beta; your sample is very technically solid, and entertained me to boot. DS does have some valid points, but I think you have a good enough grasp on things that not only will you be all right, you'll continue to improve. Just remember that concrit and betas are your friends, and everything'll be shiny.

Cheers.

Thank you by Guvnor of Space on 2011-03-17 03:51:00 UTC Reply

I also agree that DS had some valid points. Any criticism is food for thought. Thanks for the permission!

It seems a bit padded by DigitalSocrates on 2011-03-16 09:47:00 UTC Reply

The writing sample that is. A bit too much sitting around, a bit too much travel that doesn't add anything to the development of the plot (there's a reason that most stories neglect spelling out when their characters go to the bathroom).

You also make too many references to the plutonium incident. If a single event is such a central point of the relationship between all these characters you should come up with more facets to it than just 'Greenwall left some plutonium out.'

Also i got lost about halfway through before realizing I had completely missed the transition to Flashback. When the entire story is written in past tense, steps have to be taken to differentiate between 'currently' happening things and flashbacks.

Just to reiterate: brevity is important. If excitement and enthusiasm are Greenwall's traits, how are those illustrated in him moping about in his RC while his partner goes off on missions alone? The Law of Narrative comedy could have easily led him directly to getting a fleeting glance of the escaping mini instead of leading him back to his RC to think of searching for it on his own.

Note that this is all personal opinion rather than technical problems, and the themes are very entertaining (I particularly like the Mini Shenanigans), could all just stand to be a bit better executed.
Also note that I am not a permission giver :P
FYI, sitting this one out. by Neshomeh on 2011-03-15 22:16:00 UTC Reply

Since I was one of the betas, I consider myself unduly biased, so someone else'll have to Permit or not. I'm all for Permitting, though. {= )

~Neshomeh

Semi-random question... by Jacer on 2011-03-16 09:27:00 UTC Reply

Are the writing samples in permission requests required to be PPC-related?

My permission piece by Phobos on 2011-03-16 16:48:00 UTC Reply

It was the story of the creation of my DnD world. Had nothing to do with the PPC.
Not at all. by Aster Corbett on 2011-03-16 13:16:00 UTC Reply

I am not a permission giver, but I'd say no. In fact, you should probably give a sample that's NOT PPC.

The purpose of the sample, I think, is to gauge the quality and flavor of your writing to see that you're competent enough to practice what you're going to preach once you have permission. Also with the 'flavor' thing-- to see what kind of flavor you'd bring to the PPC with your stuff because once you have permission there's no taking it back.

So if you write FOR THE PURPOSE of the PPC, you're putting on a show for permission givers. Which might defeats the purpose if you try too hard to please them because they want to see what kind of song and dance you do on your own.

I gave more than one sample: some fanfic and some original fiction. But I'd pick what's most reflective of your normal writing: containing your ability to string together good pithy plot, and (perhaps even more importantly!) demonstrating your sense of humor!

So yeah. :)
I'm not a permission, but... by The 9th Blue Mage on 2011-03-16 12:38:00 UTC Reply

I could've sworn that I saw someone (Xabitha B.?) use one of her fanfics as her writing sample, unless someone could correct me...

Assuming you get Permission, by Pretzel on 2011-03-15 21:33:00 UTC Reply

I wish you all the best with that SG-1 fic. It looks like a doozy.

It sure is by Guvnor of Space on 2011-03-15 21:55:00 UTC Reply

It includes such charges as "not understanding how radio waves work" and "throwing off the personality of Samantha Carter." Those two are the worst, in my opinion.

Definitely, by Pretzel on 2011-03-15 22:13:00 UTC Reply

Try to grab that "sealant" [sic] while your agents are in there; it might turn out useful.