Subject: Finished it!
Author:
Posted on: 2011-02-26 18:41:00 UTC

I think the ideas you had were quite good, but the mission itself felt rushed to me, especially since the intro is about a third of the story (and felt like more to me, since the first badfic quote is halfway in). I think you could have safely spent more time on the fic and developed how things fell apart more fully, and maybe included some of the dumb stuff you ended up leaving out, too.

Seconding the Henry VIII joke needing to come sooner, too. I was surprised to see no comment on that ridiculous name when it first appeared.

Like I said, though, what is there is good. Getting caught in the rain was a nice touch--it's often too easy to avoid that sort of thing, what with the Words to give warning if a writer bothers to include adverse weather in the story.

I am glad you rescued Nasalos. Hopefully he'll be happy. Maybe he can hook up with Ithalond and Mithiriel for support at some point. Also, Dayn is fun. ^_^

~Neshomeh

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