Subject: I shall thwart you all!
Author:
Posted on: 2010-12-26 18:19:00 UTC
*feeds the bomb to the cheetah, distracts the cat with the sparkly stones, duct tapes over the camera's lens, eats the cheese, wears the scarf, saves the chocolate, and touches everything but the lamp.*
As you could probably tell by the subject, I'm a newbie to this board. Long-time reader of the lovely pseudo-series, though. I write (gasp!) non fan-fic stuff that never sees the light of day, because I hate it too much. I'm psychotic in the sense of actively suffering from psychoses, bisexual, a furry (scaly, more accurately), have a habit of reading badfic ('specially bad slashy lemons) for amusement, in love with blood, a mildly musical moron, and an annoyingly alliterative asshole at times. Also, bloody narcissistic. I use an odd mixture of british and american spellings, having grown up reading a mixture of literature from both cultures.
And in case you were wondering, yes, I have yiffed in hell. It was hot.
Hmmm... a flamethrower for you, hold it by THIS end, not THAT one... nice to meetcha.
I'm a bit late to this, but oh well. Have a generic book!
Welcome, new friend who I technically already met in the chat, but only just noticed the introductory post of!
Have a songbook of sheet music from mildly moronic musicals! The notes should work with any instrument, including glockenspiel, esophagus and armpits.
I'm not sure exactly what to give to you, so I think a toaster would do fine. It's a normal one, but it has a USB port that allow you to listen to music while you toast some bread. Bread not included. Results may vary.
when did I say it did?
Additionally, I'm sure I'm not the only one who likes to meet people as people rather than a list of extra speshul traits that are questionable.
Yes, fine, the sentence was ambigulously phrased, but people can introduce themselves however they want. Save the nitpicking until after they've had a chance to get used to this place, okay?
And to PasIvre: Welcome! Have a fluffy pillow and a top hat.
Well, I'm very sorry if I managed to mis-communicate. Also, I was sorely sleep-deprived when I wrote that, and not...working...right. My sincere apologies.
*feeds the bomb to the cheetah, distracts the cat with the sparkly stones, duct tapes over the camera's lens, eats the cheese, wears the scarf, saves the chocolate, and touches everything but the lamp.*
While I am also a newbie, I still feel that I have a right to greet you. Right?
Either way, welcome. Don't stare into my eyes, and touch nothing but the lamp. Oh, and have this commemorative ticking bomb. It totally isn't armed.
Well met, rookie! Please enjoy this bucket of sparkly stones as a welcoming present.
Hmm, slashy lemons. I approve of this.
Have a pet cat and a lot of cheese. The cheese is festive. The cat is not.
Fair winds!
Now you can throw BBQ parties!
Have a folding car. It becomes a rather heavy case when not in use. Careful, it has a tendency to unfold itself when nobody is looking. Do not put it near fragile things.
About the mixture of American and British English, don't worry. I am not even able to tell if something is written in one way or another. Maybe because I am Italian.
Don't feed it Sues or Stus.
Just what I wanted for Christmas, a newbie!
In any case. Have this hand-knitted scarf fashioned from the downy pelts of Cute Animal Friends. It is sure to keep you warm while you yiff in hell!
Welcome to the Board! Here, have some chocolate, and enjoy your stay!
The somber colours of the tires are easily recognised...
It's traditional to give newbies a gift, so here's mine. *clears throat*
Have a Paranoiac's Friend (tm) Mark VII camera! It runs for over three weeks without recharging and has a complicated shut-off sequence so people can't turn it off*! Now with thumbtack attachment for bugging places, people, and other nouns! Paranoiac's Friend: for the paranoiac in all of us!
(*Including, probably, you. Good luck with that.)
Oh, and Merry Christmas if applicable! Otherwise, let's see...happy belated Solstice, happy very belated Hanukkah, happy early New Year...