Have some cookies. They're made of awesome and protect you from madness.

Here's a scimitar..it's useful for killing sues.

You have received a fedora, a trench coat, a pocketwatch, and a black cat named Carly. You now reek of class.

I'd like to give you a pair of Joo Janta 200 Super-Chromatic Peril Sensitive Sunglasses. When you are exposed to the mererst hint ofdanger they turn completely opaque.

Hooray ELO!

Here have a conical hat, to keep the conspiracy theorists out.

Hai there,
Welcome to the madhouse.

I present you with a radioactive fish and an exploding banana. I advise against bringing them into prolonged contact; I have no idea why, it just sounds like a bad idea.

Have a folding car. It becomes a (heavy) case when not in use. Careful, the folding mechanism tends to malfunction. Do not put it near fragile things.

Fair winds!

Now you can throw BBQ parties!

Since your nickname invites it, I welcome you with a copy of the Communist Manifesto annotated by Harpo, and an angry russian wolfhound going by the name of Sacha!

Do not feed it Sues or Stus.

Welcome to the Board, and enjoy your slowly waning sanity stay!

Have a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object.

Welcome to the PPC :) Have a five-pound bag of assorted candy, and a Sharp Pointy Object of your choice. Options range from sporks to battleaxes and morningstars.

You a Poke-fan too?

Does that mean you dislike ogres too? Ogres are like onions.
Have a pet cat and a Pie of Rassilon. You may name the pie whatever you wish, just don't eat the cat. Wait, that ain't right...

Welcome, foolish mortal new friend!

Have a vampire! He will keep garlic away from you wherever you go. No, he does not sparkle.

Would your name possibly derive from Karl Marx?

Hello and welcome to the Board! Here, have some chocolate, and enjoy your stay!

Welcome to the PPC, Marx. Have a Generic Weapon. Give it a little description (but not too much), make it your own, and keep it handy when a Sue needs slaying. Happy sporking.