I found four more Star Trek badfics. I'll, um, post links to them here. I hope you'll find it your hearts not to electrocute me through my keyboard. Now, while some of these fics are above PG-13, the excerpts I post are not, I promise you. They are, however, wildly, disastrously NSFB. Don't say I didn't warn you. (In case you're wondering where I keep finding these things, I managed to track down an older version of the GAFF board.) So, without further ado, here are the stories.

Burning Thistles Among Thorns, a 'Star Trek: Voyager' fanfic by Deborah L. Wells

Rated R

Sadly(?), this story has been removed from trekiverse.org, so I'm forced to link you to this forum site. Just scroll down to post #17, and you'll find links to every chapter. (Word to the wise: do NOT scroll down.) Janeway and crew are enslaved, or somesuch. Doesn't really matter. A thesaurus must have exploded over this thing. That GAFF reviewer was right. This prose is not purple, this prose is not even urple, this prose is friggin' ultra-violet! Excerpt?

"The scorching ripples of the day's sea of humid false-fire spilling its almost invisible-to-the-eye imperfections, wafting up from the ground like a mirage and transporting a cargo of transparent smoke. Which then rose to life in liquid waves to eventually dart across the arid landscape and disappear into nothingness. As simultaneously, the too thin membranes of fragile vessels composed only of flesh and blood, all quite literally began to melt from the inside out. Stemming from the ever constant and intense exposure, as they continued to face the elevated stage and daisinabsolute silence under the open and spread umbrella of a devil's breath. Otherwise masquerading as the sun, which raged impressively in foreground perspective to them, strung high overhead now, and framing closely behind the shoulders of Toran in silhouette. The optical eclipse sphere illusion playing along his form with bursts of pinpoint spikes, flashing rays of illumination. In some ways, the effect it produced was very much in keeping with the historical painting renditions of the Madonna and Child from Earth's Christianity, bringing to mind the spectral visage of shining auras of lightening-encrusted prism shards, and golden crowns of omnipotent glory."

Uh, yeah, what she said.

Pregnant Lady and a Lift, a 'Star Trek: Voyager' fanfic by Raven Deacastra

Rated R (for a good reason)

A very short fic where, basically, Chakotay and a pregnant Janeway have painful, mechanical sex in a turbo-lift. Also, sharp nails. And ouch, that's gotta hurt. Excerpt?

"'Wait a minute Tom you told Chakotay you wanted to work this weekend.' 'I know I did It's just well she's pregnant again and taking it out on me again.' I really do not like her mood swings.' 'I know how you feel it's not easy having a pregnant wife who already had a temper and it just get's...' 'Hold it right there mister! Unless you plan on sleeping with Neelix for the rest of this trip home you better start explaining that last statement.' 'I well... ItÕs just that... You know I was just.. Kathryn I love you.' 'Good save commander.Ó Tom remarks with a Cheshire grin just glad he is not the only husband on board in the proverbial doghouse. 'I think this is my stop. Good luck commander.' as he leaves the lift he say's under his breath 'you're gonna need it.' Back in the lift Chakotay is looking at his wife that could only be described as pleading and a little trepidation.Praying he has not just sentenced himself to the couch for the next week he reaches for her planning on changing the subject to a more physical conversation."