Hamlet, set on Skaro
“TO EXTERMINATE OR NOT EXTERMINATE, THAT IS THE QUESTION –”

“No! Stop! Agent Omicron, I told you to stick to the script!”

“BUT THIS IS SET ON SKARO, AND WE HAVE TO MAKE IT AS DALEK AS POSSIBLE.”

“No. Omicron. This bit isn’t about exterminating the Dalek Emperor. It’s about killing yourself, because you just came home from exterminating some other hapless planet to find that your father, the previous Dalek Emperor, has just died and your mother has married your uncle, the new Dalek Emperor –”

“DALEKS HAVE NO CONCEPT OF FAMILY OR MARRIAGE!”

“…I knew we should’ve have set it on Skaro…”

Hamlet, set in the PPC Cafeteria

“It is I, Porklet the Danish! Get out of that grave, Laertea! I loved Ovealia better than you anyway!”

“…For the last time, you tosspot, it’s HAMLET. Not PORKLET. What are you trying to do, turn this into a comedy?”

“I’LL EAT A CROCODILE TO PROVE MY LOVE FOR HER!”

“You are a crocodile.”

Much Ado About Nothing, set in the Department of Intelligence

“Come hither, Officer Rooney. What is it you told me of today that Luisa San Lorenzo was in love with Angus McFarlane?”

“I told you no such thing!”

“Oh come on, play along here Rooney, there’s a good lad! We’re supposed to pretend that they do love each other so that Angus, who’s concealed himself over there, thinks that she likes him, and so acts accordingly, and then we’ll get Penny and Snapshot to talk about Angus being in love with Luisa so that they’ll end up falling in love with each other despite hating each other before –”

“Didn’t you just spoil the entire play?”

“…I knew there was merit in method acting, I knew it!”

Romeo and Juliet, set in a Suefic

“But soft, what urpley-wilver light through yonder Canon breaks? It is the ‘fic, and the Mary Sue is the massive mother-effing black hole!”

“Remind me why you thought it was a good idea to set this in a Suefic again?”

“Because Sues like to reference Romeo and Juliet so often?”

“Arise, foul Sue, and kill the envious canonical lover, who is already sick and pale with grief that thou her maid claim to be far more fair than she.”

“Romeo and Sueliet makes absolutely no sense.”

“Neither does a Suefic.”

“Be not her maid, since Elves don’t have servants; her vestal livery is but sick and green, yet none but fools do wear urple and glose like you do. Cast it off – but not in front of me!”

“You do have to admit that Agent Krisenko is a good Romeo. And Cafeteria Worker Nerys Carpenter is a good Sueliet.”

“But how are we going to prevent the audience from killing her on opening night?”

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This was the end result of discussions in the Multiverse Monitor's GDoc about theatre troupes in the PPC. What other unfortunate Shakespeare adaptations would the PPC's troupe (which could totally be named A Troupe By Any Other Name) have done?