Have a sonic screwdriver and some jelly babies, please use responsibly.

How do you get the text so tiny?

Plus, a warning: even geeky, comfortably humorous groups have rules, and things that people frown upon, and stuff, so check out the constitution and don't post half a dozen threads a day.

Other than that, I'm your fellow newbie, so let's be new and awkward together...

Here have this, you'llfeel more confident with a phased pulse rifle in hand.

Here is a book: How To Feel Confident Introducing Yourself to a Board Full of People Who Write About Assassins.
Just in case you need to do it again.

Hello! Have a seventeen foot long, multicolored, wool, knit scarf (curly wig not included), and a bag of jelly babies.

Please use them IRresponsibly!

Have a mobile hologram emitter.

It currently contains a flock of wild tape dispensers, so be careful. Those things can be territorial!

Here, have some chocolate, and enjoy your stay!

Fair winds!
Now you can throw BBQs.

May I say you seem to have amazing taste in books :)

Have a pet cat. You may name him whatever you wish, but watch out - he's a biter!

Hello Fellow Newbie! :D

I am not good at this either. I am the insane killer with a smile. :D

Here! Have a carving knife! Lets be creative!~ ^___^

Do not feed it Mary-Sues.

I love your choice of fandoms. :D Tolkien and PTerry *holy horns* are win. Welcome to the Board!

I hereby present you with a welcoming gift of a bag of pebbles (very good for throwing at Sues or other annoying creatures) and a Random Shiny Object (very good for distractions).

Here's to hoping you enjoy it here!

Don't worry; lack of perfect introductory skills won't condemn you to everlasting exile. :)

Nice to meet you!


(Also, don't listen to Neshomeh's modesty - she deserves that praise. Hear that, Nesh?)

*poke* Welcome! What with Tolkien and Discworld, you've got just about everything you need to get most of the in-jokes and get along very well here. {= )

To help you out with learning everything else, here follows the List of Links we give (in some form or another) to every newbie. (This time I've ganked them from Sedri's last newbie-welcoming post.) In short, they are a bunch of 'Go Read This Now Please' URLs that actually do give Useful Information. In relative order of sensible-reading-ness, they are:

* The Original PPC Series, which we usually assume you've already read. (Have you?)
* The List of Killed Badfic, which will direct you to a large number of non-Original PPC Missions.

The Board:
* The Board Constitution
* The FAQ: For the Board

The Wiki:
* We have our very own PPC Wiki
* The very-important-to-read-before-requesting-Permission Permission article
* Our Guide To The PPC
* The Mission Writing Guide
* The Slash-Sporking Guide
* The FAQ: For Newbies.
When you are ready to edit the wiki, make sure to read Neshomeh's excellent editing tutorial (Sedri's words, not mine! *blush*).

And finally, but very usefully,
* The List of Everything PPC

And that's about it. Enjoy!

~Neshomeh

Oh, and do you want the mini-Luggage Diskworld for your Agents?

Enjoy this steaming cup of House Roac hot chocolate. The whipped cream is unfortunately not included.

Please enjoy this vintage bottle of Bleepka and silver flask as a welcoming gift!

Welcome, new friend! Someone will be along shortly with all kind of fun links. In the meantime, help yourself to a venomous arthropod from the sack!