Subject: Ikea Erotica with Blaze and Amy
Author:
Posted on: 2010-08-11 17:53:00 UTC
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6201287/1/Theultimategift
I don't believe I've heard the term "Anal Section" before. Also, I didn't know vaginal fluids could taste like fruit.
5. Posts should be kept from the G to PG-13 range. Keep it clean people. If you have to say something over the PG-13 level (like if it includes cursing or something) give a warning at least.
Referencing the gory details of badfic erotica should be kept to a minimum, and with a NSFW warning at the very least.
Thanks,
Araeph
Ok, this next badfic is "LOVE, BULLETS AND IMMORTALITY." (Rated M) The title is in all caps and it's also one of the few places the author uses punctuation
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5989126/1/LOVEBULLETSAND_IMMORTALITY
Basically Amy and Blaze want sonic so they hire a Stu named Connor ("a wanted assassin and bounty hunter") to muder the hypotenuse (shadow). Connor is immortal, which I think is the most retarded gimmick for an assassin to have because makes life as a hire killer about as difficult as life as an heiress.
Other lameness:
Twirls a pistol "Like Ocelot from MGS3." I guess if god wanted a better description he would have miracled it into the author's word processor.
Amy and Blaze imagine Sonic's "masculine abs and muscled legs." Sonic has neither.
In exchange for killing Shadow and Kidnapping Sonic, Blaze and Amy will pay Connor 50000 euros (not rings, not mobians, euros) and two slaves, who later turn out to be Fiona and Rouge. Connor's opening fee is NFSW and reads as if it was written by Ben 'Yahtzee' Crosshaw. On second thought, there is one exclamation point. Also, there's a rather embarrassing anatomical error.
And that's just the first chapter of 30.
They author actually said that? The only type of fic that can get away with "like Ocelot from MGS3" is a parody fic. That's like describing someone as looking like Insert-Celebrity-Here...
He also pulls the "play song x while reading this passasge" copout twice. And one chapter is nothing but the characters singing along.
Also, Conor rips off the Joker. A lot. In including that toy gun the joker uses that pops out a flag, then impales the target with the flag.
That caused some very strange mental images that I did *not* appreciate until I figured out the anatomical delusions the author was writing. Oh rule 34....
My second involved a manual you don't understand.
Weird names is of course also IKEA.